Family: the greatest work of all

“God bless all of us in doing the greatest work there is to do: family work,” writes James D. MacArthur, author of the book, Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids.

My family has always been important to me. No matter where I’ve been, I always carry the love of my family with me. But with family members spread out in California, Maryland, Florida, New Jersey and New Hampshire, it’s hard to stay close to brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. Seeing each other once or twice a year, we often feel more like strangers than family members. And as Scott and I are preparing to start our own family, I wonder how we will be able to maintain closeness in our own family while dealing with the demands of work and other obligations. How do families do it?

These questions are what’s at the heart of James’ book and his life work as a psychologist and family counselor. When I heard about this book through an e-mail I got at work, I jumped at the chance to find out what has worked for James and his family.

Speaking on the phone from his office in Utah, James admits it’s not easy for families today. He hears from parents who each have two jobs in addition to community and church obligations and can see how parents are pulled between their desire to do their work well and to make more time for their children. “The world is just so fast-paced,” said James. “Everyone has a cell phone and is invading your time, and it just gives you the feeling that the family situation just gets caught up in all this overwhelming complexity.”

From the very beginning, James told me, he and his wife Sherri made a commitment to put their family of ten children (and now sixteen grandchildren) first. Work and professional commitments will be put aside or rescheduled so that he can be at any event his kids are involved in. And both he and Sherri are in favor of celebrating each family member. No birthday, anniversary, or accomplishment – big or small – goes unnoticed. James will do little things like plastering the kitchen with signs or will call a family member during the day just to let them know that they are special to him. And he’ll send a card to each family member at different times. “With 37 [total family members], you can imagine that it doesn’t happen often, because I make through 37 of them and start again,” James laughed.

James admits it hasn’t always been easy. With 37 total family members, he says, it’s tough to give each family member equal attention and still maintain his professional commitments. He credits prayer as being the anchor for himself and his family. “We can’t do this job of running this family without God’s blessings,” said James. “I can see that in the biggest challenges of our lives, prayer has saved us and brought us together as a cohesive family group, because we know that we can always pray together.”

From the time the children were little, James and his family kneeled and prayed together every morning and every evening. Family members took turns saying the prayer. “I think it makes people feel loved and cared about when you kneel down together and you pray. You don’t pray in vagaries, you pray specifically about the things you know your children are dealing with and facing,” said James. He added that he and the children also talked together about how prayer works for them, and he would also go and pray for the children alone at times.

James feels that it’s important for the children to know about God. He prays to God as an all-wise, all-knowing unconditionally loving God. He feels that the more he can be in communication with Him, the better things will go. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have challenges, James says, but God will help us know how to deal with them. He’ll love us through our challenges and problems. “If we hang onto faith in Him, we can feel His love even in our pain,” James added.

“I think the world is getting darker,” James continued. “That’s the reason why you pray and try to help your children understand the light that comes from God, because that’s the only way you can dispel the darkness. Lots of people feel alone. And that’s because they feel disconnected from God…”

James added that prayer has helped bring the family close together in bad times as well as good times. Anytime a family member has had to make an important decision, he said, the whole family would get together and pray. When someone in the family needed to go to the hospital, they would pray. And they would pray when their children went to other parts of the world to live.

He remembered when his oldest son Toran was living in Brazil. The family received a letter from him saying that he was feeling very discouraged. The living conditions were so different from what he left behind. Toran wrote about feeling overwhelmed by the different culture, food and language. And the area he was living in wasn’t safe.

“We did something that he still talks about today,” said James. His whole family knelt down together in prayer and decided to tape their prayers to mail to him. Each family member contributed an idea. “He kept it for the whole time he was gone,” said James. “Every time he got discouraged he would play the tape of the family prayer. He said it was the greatest thing because he felt like his family was there with him.”

Today, the family tradition of coming together for prayer continues – in person and by e-mail. A family member can post a question to the rest of the family and other family members can weigh in with their advice. “We try to use a family team response to problem-solving,” said James.

The family also comes together for a weekly family evening of dinner, discussions and prayer, since 31 out of the 37 family members live within a ½ hour of each other in Utah. Even the six family members, who live in Arizona and can’t always be there each week participate via phone or video tape. Each one, even the 3 and 4-year-old family members get to say a prayer. James says that it’s a wonderful feeling to watch his youngest grandson Braydon learn to pray. “We all feel so blessed,” said James. “He’s learning all the important things – about God and love and those things by experiencing it in this gigantic group of 37 people.”

Thinking about James’ family get-together, I’m feeling more encouraged about my own family. I love the idea that near or far, we too are bound together by our love for God. In another two weeks, I’ll be heading to my own family gathering of 20. And we also will have our own rousing family discussions and debates as we try to guess the missing secret ingredient of Grandma’s chocolate chip cookie recipe or hear another family story. And in my heart, I won’t forget the prayer.

What does it mean to have a relationship with God?

spirituality.com recently asked three women to share their thoughts about this question. Sharon Spivak is a Jewish educator with a bachelors in Jewish Studies. She teaches grade seven (bar and bat mitzvah age) through high school age students in Nashua, New Hampshire at Temple Beth Abraham and in Massachusetts at Congregation Beth Elohim. Midge Campbell is a Christian Science spiritual healer. She helps others through prayer and has also given talks about the ideas in Science and Health to people around the world. And Kari Keyl is a pastor at Christ the King Lutheran Church in Nashua, New Hampshire.

"My relationship to God has been one of companionship, of feeling that God is nearby so that I'm never alone," said Kari Keyl. "Being a child of God has meant having God as my companion and my Savior and Friend, and Someone I know who will love me [forever]."

"We are never alone as the children of God," concurs Midge Campbell. "God is always with us, helping us understand that we are His children. God is always with us, helping us understand that we are loved, that we're not a failure, that we are worthy of love, that we are fathered and mothered by a great, great, love."


Striving to achieve and emulate divine qualities here on earth.




"I've felt this partnership in a tangible way in my life," added Sharon Spivak. "As a child of God my 'job' is to work in partnership with God, striving to achieve and emulate those divine qualities here on earth in the real sense."

Sharon continued, "There are some concepts I like to think of rather literally, such as being made in the image and likeness of God." She believes that God's children have "a responsibility to strive toward a divine ideal that blends ethical, moral, righteous and just behavior. I see a responsibility to achieve a potential that may oftentimes seem difficult to achieve, but exists nonetheless."

But, Sharon adds, "I think that laughter is a very important divine quality to possess and to share with others."


Help during the rough times.




As Kari pointed out, being a child of God doesn't mean you don't have problems—it helps you through the problems. "I've had some ups and downs throughout my life. Some times of doubting and disbelieving. Especially in college, when the world was full of questions. But I thankfully was in contact with people of faith who encouraged me to keep living as if God was holding on to me. Those were through some of the rough times."

Kari spoke of the spiritual lesson she learned when her father died. "It was the week before my daughter Bethany was due," said Kari. "So there was a time of very mixed emotions—Bethany being born and my father dying in the same week. And to feel the outpouring of prayers of other people of faith was amazing. I couldn't have gotten through without it. I minister to so many people and I guess I never knew more strongly than at that time, that we need to be part of the family of God. I don't know how people can make it through tragedies without feeling this support."


Getting unstressed.




Sharon agreed. "There have been times in my life when I have been tremendously stressed—either job stress, or family stress," she said. "I remember a particular time in my life many years ago when the stress was nearly unbearable. I had a job that paid more than I had ever made, but also filled me with misery each and every day of the 60 hours a week that I worked.

"It got to the point where I would get up in the morning and drive the half-hour to work in tears and in sheer dread of my day," Sharon continued. "I remember sitting in my car one morning in stop-and-go traffic finding myself just spontaneously talking out loud to God. I asked God to give me the wisdom and the strength to get through the day. I asked God to open my heart so I could feel God's presence and perhaps understand why I was suffering so.

"That," Sharon said, "was a pivotal point in my life that I will never forget. As suddenly as I had been prompted to talk out loud in rush-hour traffic to God, I was filled with an instant calm, peace, wisdom and hope. A plan began to materialize inside me that enabled me to finally extricate myself from this painful job and move on to something that would bring me less income but far more happiness."


"God's love was with me."




Midge remembered how prayer helped her when she was failing a class in high school. "It meant I couldn't go on to college," she said. " It was so helpful to know that God's love was with me, making it possible to overcome predictions of failure. Much to everyone's surprise, I did pass the exam, graduate and go on to college."

"The Bible says, 'Because thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honorable and I have loved thee,'" Midge said. "God never created or planned any one of His children to fail or to be a failure. God has equipped us with intelligence, courage, and persistence to pursue a successful and purposeful life. Thinking about God giving us the talents and the skills we need helped me overcome moments of doubt in myself and fear of failure."


"I just sat down quietly and asked God what I needed to know."




Midge then shared a moving experience involving her daughter. "My daughter Cindy was in the midst of a difficult pregnancy. I got a call at three o'clock one morning telling me that she was on her way to the hospital in an emergency situation. She was on her sixth or seventh month of pregnancy, and it was too early for the baby to come along. I was very frightened for her safety and for the baby. I just sat down quietly and asked God what I needed to know.

"I turned to the ideas in a book I've known and trusted and relied on for years—Science and Health," said Midge. "I opened to a statement where the author, Mary Baker Eddy, writes, 'Love, the divine Principle, is the Father and the Mother of the universe, including man.' I realized that God is our Mother, mothering everyone, holding all of us in the safety of Her great mother love. I was comforted knowing that I could trust my daughter and her baby to this care.

"I got a call shortly thereafter that Cindy had returned home from the hospital. By the time she had gotten to the hospital, the situation had already improved," Midge said with a smile. "The doctors said all was well and said she could go home. While the doctors could not explain what had happened, they said she was in no danger. A few months later my little grandson Sean was born happy and healthy."


"…feeling surrounded by God's love."




Kari explained that "feeling surrounded by God's love" was a key component of being God's child. "One of my favorite Bible verses," she said, "that describes being a child of God is from John 15:9: 'I have loved you even as the Father has loved you. Abide in my love.' It means being a part of God's family—to be forever held in God's arms with a connection that even though we don't think it's there, God still knows it's there.

"I hope for everyone else to be able to have a relationship with God and I believe that all people on earth are God's people," Kari said. "God loves everyone."

The walk from abuse to forgiveness

Many years ago, Sasha was a victim of domestic abuse. She recently shared her story with spirituality.com by phone. Because of the sensitive nature of this story, the names have been changed.

Thirty years ago, Sasha moved away from her family to join her husband Bob at an army base several hundred miles away. Just out of college, this was the first time she would be so far away from her family. Bob had just returned from a tour of duty in Vietnam, and was reporting to his new assignment.

Shortly after they moved into their apartment on the base, Bob started acting differently. Formerly kind, caring and loving, he was now controlling. He refused to have a telephone installed in the apartment and would not let Sasha have any contact with her family or friends. Both incoming and outgoing mail were prescreened. Sasha felt like a prisoner in her own home.


Although Sasha begged him to get counseling, he refused.




Things didn’t get better after she found out that she was expecting their first child. Bob drank heavily and became verbally and physically abusive. Although Sasha begged him to get counseling, he refused. Bob did not think he had a problem.

A few months later, Sasha went through the worst time of her life. After another violent incident, Sasha started hemorrhaging and was rushed to the hospital. The abuse caused her to miscarry and she was told that she could never again have children.

But even after this, she again went home to her husband, feeling she had no other choice. “I felt trapped,” Sasha said. Even if she had been able to get in contact with her mother, Sasha explained, she didn’t want to alarm her about the situation. And she couldn’t go back to her mother because she didn’t have any money of her own.

Sasha’s actions are not unusual for abuse victims. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, women in abusive situations often stay with their partners rather than leave because of the enormous barriers they face. These barriers include lack of their own financial resources, lack of support from family, friends or institutions (such as police or clergy), and fear that the abuser will come after them.


The 23rd Psalm was a source of comfort and strength.




With no one to turn to, Sasha remembered some of the things she learned about God from her mother and in the Southern Baptist church when she attended as a child. In particular, the 23rd Psalm was a source of comfort and strength, especially during the worst times. She would think about this psalm day and night, even repeating it to herself while she was asleep.

“This is the most meaningful passage of the Bible I could relate to,” said Sasha. Each verse talked to her about who God is. “God is our Shepherd,” Sasha continued. “He was guiding me all the way. And He was there for me, through the best of times and through the worst of times.”

She started to think more deeply about God and how she could lean on Him for help. Sasha has always looked to God as her Father who she could talk to. “He’s the only Father I have ever known in my life,” said Sasha. “I feel like I can go to Him and talk to Him about anything.”


“It was prayer and faith that brought me through.”




Sasha explained that this constant prayer and trust in God kept her from giving up. “I often thought about suicide, but it was my walk with God that kept me from doing it,” said Sasha. “It was prayer and faith that brought me through.”

Looking back, Sasha also explained that even though she couldn’t see it at the time, her trust in God was leading her out of the relationship and into a better life. She started to find increasing strength within herself. “We go through different challenges in our lives,” said Sasha. “I call them opportunities to make us stronger. And there are lessons to be learned in your path and in your walk with God.”

Sasha felt that this trust in God led to events two years later, which proved to be a turning point in her life. Bob was reassigned to a tour of duty in Europe. This gave Sasha the opportunity to return to her mother’s home. Once there, Sasha told Bob she was not coming with him to Europe.

She moved in with her mother, got a job and filed for divorce. When Bob started calling Sasha’s friends and family in an effort to get her to come back to him, it was only then that Sasha opened up to them and told them what happened. Her mother’s response surprised and comforted her.


The prayers of her mother helped to sustain her during this time.




“My mother told me that during the whole time I was away, she was praying for me,” Sasha said. She added that looking back she could see that the prayers of her mother helped to sustain her during this time.

Five years after the divorce, Sasha met and married her husband Doug. (They’ve now been been married for over 20 years.) But as the years passed, memories of her marriage to Bob still haunted her.

One day, Sasha found herself at the bookstore looking at books on meditation and spirituality. She bought two of them and brought them home. These books quickly became Sasha’s daily source of inspiration. They talked about the importance of forgiveness.

“[The books] were telling me that you can’t truly heal the hurt until you truly forgive,” said Sasha. “I thought I was doing OK. I was going to church, listening to the pastor and trying to treat everyone right. I thought I had forgiven him. But I hadn’t truly forgiven him.”


“I needed to let God take care of all this.”




Sasha explained that true forgiveness is letting go and letting God take over. “People do things for various reasons,” said Sasha. “But no matter what you’re going through, it’s learning to let go and let God deal with it for you that heals. I needed to let God take care of all this and not worry about it. That’s what forgiveness was for me.”

One day, when Sasha was at work, she was thinking about these ideas. The thought came, “Sasha, you’ve got to forgive him. You’re not going to get beyond all this or be truly happy until you do.”

Sasha obtained Bob’s number and called him. Bob thought that Sasha was calling to tell him that she was having problems in her second marriage. “I told him that Doug and I were doing wonderfully and that Doug is the most wonderful thing that had happened to me,” said Sasha. “Then I told him that I forgave him. And I wished him and his wife well. He didn’t know what to say.”


She felt unspeakable joy.




After she hung up, she felt unspeakable joy. She was free.

Sasha says that the lessons learned from her past experiences have brought her closer to God. She makes time each day for prayer and meditation. It’s her time to talk to God and listen for His guidance. Listening to God’s voice and putting Him first in your life, Sasha says, will guide you, strengthen you and bring things into focus in your life.

“You hear so many views about praying to God—that when you ask Him for something over and over He’ll get tired of hearing and won’t help you out,” said Sasha. “But that’s a far-fetched lie! God is always there. When your friends forsake you, He’s there. When the man you love forsakes you, He’s there. When your family forsakes you, He’s there. He is always there.”

As Sasha told her story to spirituality.com, a little 2-year-old voice piped up to get her attention. Sasha explained joyfully that even though she wasn’t able to have children, she and Doug adopted and raised Doug’s granddaughter when his daughter was having problems. The 2-year-old was Doug’s great-granddaughter, spending the day with them.

The Source you can depend on

“I could tell you hundreds of examples of how God has met my family’s needs!” said Earline Shoemake, a spiritual healer and teacher.

Speaking from her home in La Mesa, California, Earline talked on the phone with me about how the ideas in the book Science and Health were an anchor for her and her family 30 years ago. Separated from her husband with no child support, Earline had to consider how she was going to support herself and her four children.

“I had been dealt a bad hand,” said Earline. “I had believed that someday my ship would come in. I was thinking pie in the sky and always thought my needs would be met through my husband, a job, the economy or some rich uncle, if you’ve got one. But I found out that these were not dependable.”

Earline had been working evenings operating a ten-key adder. The company decided to switch their night workers to the day shift. Because the children were small and Earline wanted to be available to take care of them during the day, she couldn’t keep the job.


“I didn’t know that you could rely on God for just about everything!”




During this time, Earline was studying a book called Science and Health and sharing the ideas she was learning with others. She found out about it eight months earlier while reading a spiritual magazine (the Christian Science Sentinel), which she found at the laundromat. The articles in the magazine kept mentioning this book. Earline was floored by what she was reading. “I didn’t know that you could rely on God for just about everything!” said Earline. “I absolutely had to get that book!”

The ideas she found in Science and Health blew her away. “What this book was telling me was that I have an eternal inseparable relationship to God,” said Earline. “He owns the heavens, the earth, everything. And since I’m His beloved child, I was really an heir! I wasn’t a poor woman out there wondering how I was going to take care of myself or where I was going to go.”

Earline started to study Science and Health regularly, along with the Bible. The ideas in these books started to change what she had previously been taught about her relationship to God and her view about herself. “I stopped thinking I was some person needing to make a living, but was thinking about God as the source of my Life,” said Earline. “I was seeing that God’s man isn’t simply some mortal striving for a piece of the rock. He has his rock and already has everything he needs.”


Earline’s enthusiasm about what she was learning grew.




Earline’s enthusiasm about what she was learning grew. She soon found herself helping and encouraging others more and more with the ideas that were helping her. Since her job had ended and more time was being taken up with sharing spiritual ideas, Earline decided to devote herself to working as a full-time spiritual healer based on the ideas in Science and Health. “Now we really had some fun!” Earline laughed.

The months that followed were not easy. Earline and her family often struggled to pay bills and keep food on the table. Several times they needed to move because they couldn’t pay the rent. Earline wondered if what she was doing was practical. She worried that her work as a spiritual healer wouldn’t be enough to support her family. “I was really afraid. Maybe I had heard the wrong call!” laughed Earline. “I was hoping that I wasn’t hearing something that God hadn’t said!”

She added that the children were praying right along with her and kept encouraging her when she wanted to quit. “They kept reminding me, ‘I thought you said that God is in control and that God is our supplier! Of everything! Of all good!'” Earline said emphatically.


“At different times and in different ways we all kept our mom going.”




Sabra Lowe, Earline’s oldest daughter was 13 at the time and remembered how she and her sister and brothers would encourage her mother, sometimes with humor, other times with ideas that their mother had shared with them. “At different times and in different ways we all kept our mom going during those times where she felt she wasn’t making it,” said Sabra.

Sabra remembers when a man from the gas company came to the door. He told her mother that he would return that afternoon to shut off the gas unless she could pay the bill.

Her mother was really discouraged. Sabra had overheard the conversation and wrote her mother a note. It said, “I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.” Also, “No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.” And she drew an arrow from that verse to the word, “gas.”

“The man never came back,” said Sabra. “The gas was never disconnected and we later found the money to pay that bill.”


“We could go to our Father. We have our own direct connection to Him.”




Now married with children of her own, Sabra remembers her mother’s continual staunch encouragement that she and her sister and brothers could turn to God whenever they needed anything. “We were told to do it!” said Sabra. “We learned very quickly not to think of things in terms of dollars and cents, but to think of everything as being supplied to us by the Giver of all good. We could go to our Father. We have our own direct connection to Him.”

No matter how hopeless the situation got, Earline refused to give up. She explained that God was a constant support for her. The ideas in Science and Health kept giving her encouragement, and she and her family kept finding the most unlikely solutions to their problems. “I was seeing that these ideas are practical ideas for our family,” said Earline. “I could depend on them.”


“Love meets every need, so if I need food, it has to be there.”




Earline remembered a time the family had run out of food and didn’t have money to buy more. She had been thinking about a sentence from Science and Health: “Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need.” “I was thinking, well, Love meets every need, so if I need food, it has to be there,” said Earline.

There was a knock at the door. A woman invited her to go to the market with her. “I was about to say no,” said Earline. “I didn’t have any money!” But then she remembered what she had just been thinking about. “The thought came, ‘Go with her.’ I said, ‘Well, okay!’” said Earline.

At the market, the woman told Earline to get her basket and get everything she needed. “I went through the market, got everything and got in line,” said Earline. “I wondered, now how am I going to pay for all this?! ” The cashier rang up $29.34 and the woman who invited her to come paid the bill.

“But that isn’t the whole story,” said Earline. “She explained to me that she had owed me money for some help I gave her at one time and she wanted to pay me back! But she added that she couldn’t have afforded the bill if it had been over $30!”

Today, Earline has a successful full-time career as a spiritual healer and teacher. She also travels around the country talking to audiences about the ideas in Science and Health. Her buoyant joy and confidence in these ideas is contagious. Talking to her, I feel a sense of hope and reassurance that God can and will bring each one of us through any problem, no matter how bad it gets. God does come through each time. He will not fail us.

The Promise of Christmas

I've always felt that the spirit of Christmas included joy and praise for God, shown by acts of giving to friends, family and co-workers. It's the spirit of "peace on earth, good will to men." But I've learned recently that the spirit of Christ, the true meaning of Christmas, includes so much more.

A dear friend was in the hospital. My husband and I went to his bedside to be with him and his wife, also a close friend. The frantic rush to prepare for Christmas was forgotten as my friend's wife, my husband and I shared ideas about God's love.


Buying gifts and sending cards became so insignificant.




Although our friend was unconscious, we sang hymns, read some of our favorite Bible verses and gently talked with him, telling him how much we loved him. There were moments of silence, too, as we felt the peace of God's presence. My worries about buying gifts and sending cards became so insignificant as I felt God's presence and listened to what God was telling me about my friend.

I thought about the shepherds in the field who were watching their sheep on the night of Jesus' birth. How much peace and joy they must have felt as they guarded the sheep and the angels spoke with them! In that hospital room, I felt that we, like these shepherds, could feel just as strengthened and comforted by God's promise of loving care for each of us. I needed, more than ever to be sure that God as Love was there. So I went to a book by Mary Baker Eddy and found a statement that helped me: "Love cannot be a mere abstraction, or goodness without activity and power." I was reassured by the idea that God cares for my friend and that this care would continue forever.


We had our Christmas celebration early.




My heart also went out to the other patients in the ward, as well as the nurses on duty. I thought about how much they needed to feel God's love, too. And how they and their families were also embraced in the tenderness and comfort of God's love for everyone.

My friends had originally planned a Christmas celebration for the four of us. But we had our Christmas celebration early—not with the planned fancy tea, but right there in the hospital holding on to the joy of remembered good times. We reminisced together and laughed over some favorite stories. We temporarily forgot about feeling sad and fearful and started to feel hopeful again. There were even times when my friend's arm would move, and we felt that in his own way, he was laughing with us.


Her persistent joy encourages me to appreciate the good in my life.




My friend's wife told me that her husband's boss had called to say that everyone in the office was praying for them, and asked if there was anything he could do. Gifts of love in the form of time, phone calls, and offers of help came pouring in from neighbors, family members and friends. People came to spend the night, to drive her to the hospital, to bring food, to call and talk.

She said she felt that she'd already had her Christmas. "I feel like I've already been receiving my gifts. The real gifts are the love and support that my friends have been showing me." She told me over and over that she's never felt so much love.

My friend did pass away. I am sad that this happened during the holiday season while many are celebrating, but comforted by hearing about the great goodness shown to him and his family.

My friend's wife is an inspiration to me. She talks to us about the times where, alone with God, she feels comforted by His promise that her husband is being cared for and is continuing on in his spiritual journey. Her persistent joy encourages me to appreciate the good in my life. From seeing that she feels the promise of Christ's comfort and strength with her always, I know I can, too.

Christ, the divine message from God, is always around, not just at Christmastime. Christ is God speaking to us of His power and His tender presence. God's goodness is with us at all times and it overcomes all sorrow, worry and sickness when we let it into our heart. It comes as the tender feeling of love and comfort that enfolds you even when you are alone and need a friend. It comes when you join with others in prayer for a friend who is sick. It comes when you hold someone close who is feeling afraid or sad.

This is the promise of Christmas.

The last Temptation of Christ: Jesus' life as a career model

I’ve always done things the hard way. If there’s a more difficult trail to the top of a mountain, chances are I’m on it. I’ve chosen a career (writing and foreign languages) with limited job possibilities and less security, rather than following my family into the more secure fields of electronic engineering and accounting.

I recently saw The Last Temptation of Christ, a movie that is gritty, bloody and controversial in its non-traditional depiction of Jesus. Again, I found myself taking the hard way to view his life. I admit I struggled with the movie. I rebelled at the picture of Jesus it presented—one that implied Jesus was constantly frustrated, angry and confused. This wasn’t the Jesus I knew from my study of the Bible—confident of his mission, deeply connected to God and very worthy of his title of the Christ, the Son of God.

For me, Jesus was a model man, the purest example of the close, loving relationship between God and mankind. This passage from Science and Health has helped to inform my understanding of him: “Jesus was the highest human concept of the perfect man. He was inseparable from Christ, the Messiah,—the divine idea of God outside the flesh.”


So what was the point of this story?




So I asked myself: How could they show Jesus in this light? And how could they justify the things in the story that seem so inaccurate? For example, the Bible never indicates that Judas had been Jesus’ best friend. Nor does it tell about the film’s implied physical relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. So what was the point of this movie?

By its own admission, Temptation explains from the very beginning that its intention isn’t to show an accurate account of the Scriptures, but to depict the struggle between the Spirit and the flesh. The story centers on Jesus’ battle with the three temptations during his 40 days in the wilderness, and his continuing struggles during his life and ministry. These culminate in the movie’s interpretation of Jesus’ biggest temptation of all while he was on the cross: to deny his ministry and his role as the Messiah.

The film impelled me to look more closely at Jesus’ struggle. I noticed from the very start he is depicted as doubting his own purpose in life and his ability to carry it out. In the film, he resented his own shortcomings and wondered how he could possibly help others if he couldn’t do everything perfectly himself. And he wondered what his life would have been like if he had chosen a different way.


These struggles resonated with me.




These struggles resonated with me. After all, when haven’t I struggled with my own fear of failure, self-doubt and embarrassment over my own foibles? When haven’t I wondered what life would be like if I had done things differently?

I feel the movie invited me to take a fresh look at Jesus. Instead of seeing someone whom I thought could easily overcome any challenge thrown at him, I was invited to consider that perhaps Jesus didn’t necessarily always do things the “easy” way. Instead of going along with the laws of the Pharisees, he challenged them. Instead of finding a way to escape his arrest and crucifixion, he went through it. These thoughts allowed me to identify with Jesus in new ways.

Looking closer, the film also highlighted Jesus’ victories—some quiet, others stronger and more noticeable. Seeing how Jesus was able to overcome the temptations made me feel I too could face each fear with confident authority. The film showed Jesus learning to turn to God for guidance, rather than relying on his own abilities. This encouraged me to more consistently seek God’s guidance in my work as well.


I felt I was waking up with him.




In the movie, Jesus’ final temptation lures him to trade in the life he had been living for a life that included marriage and children (not mentioned in the biblical accounts). I felt defeated when he declared vehemently that his ministry as the Messiah was a lie. But when a friend’s words woke him up to the promise of resurrection and the legacy of his mission, I felt I was waking up with him. This awakening helped me to understand that no matter how discouraging the challenges in life, I too have God’s help and authority to face the challenge and can defeat it—without fear.

I’m excited to read the biblical accounts of Jesus’ life with a new perspective. I will better appreciate the idea that Jesus worked to overcome his own problems, rather than looking to him as a standard I may never reach. And following the divinely inspired instructions Jesus left behind, perhaps my tendency to do things the hard way might just become a bit easier.

The Fourth Commandment: Keep it holy

“Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.”


“We’re open 24/7 so we can serve you better!”

I’m seeing more and more signs like this in stores in our area. Our supermarket, copy center, even some local restaurants boast about being open round-the-clock. The world, it seems, is proud of being busy 24/7. With continual access to information and communication, customers can be served better. But on the other hand if you’re in customer service it seems harder and harder to get away from work.

For several months, my life had been spinning out of control with increased freelance writing assignments, more customers to help on the job, family events and household chores taking up weekdays, evenings and weekends. My recent vacation in Maine even had me sitting on top of a mountain, overlooking breathtaking scenery, while taking part in a work-related conference call on my cell phone.


I had come up to Maine to take a break from work.




Afterward, as I sat there, I couldn’t believe what I had just done. How could I let work interfere with my vacation? My husband Scott and I had come up to Maine to take a break from work.

I had always prided myself on not letting work take over my entire life. I would mentally point to the Fourth Commandment, “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy,” to justify not taking any work that would require my weekends, particularly Sundays. Now that my work has been taking up not only weekend hours, but vacations as well, I decided to take a fresh look at this commandment. I wondered: How can I continue to be faithful to this Biblical command and not feel guilty about not getting what I need to do done?

I used to think this commandment meant just taking a day off to attend a place of worship. But it can also mean to rest from labors. In fact the word “Sabbath” means “to rest.” According to Bible commentaries, this commandment was originally given as 1) a humanitarian ordinance to allow a time of rest to servants, laborers and their animals; 2) a day of commemoration to remember God had freed the children of Israel from slavery in Egypt; and 3) an invitation to commemorate God’s creation and the seventh day in which He rested and rejoiced in His work.


I started to look at this commandment as a promise from God.




I started to look at this commandment as a promise from God that I deserve refreshment when I’m serving Him. He freely gives everyone the right to liberation, rest and rejoicing. I realized then that I had the right to be free from enslavement to the pressure and anxiety of deadlines and demands from managers, customers, family members; the right to feel rested and at peace; and the right to rejoice in all the goodness that life offers—all without guilt.

I can take the time to discover and enjoy big and small things in my life—the beauty of nature around me, the love of my friends and family and the inspiration gained in small moments of prayer to God.

But my new thinking didn’t stop there. As I sat on top of the mountain, enjoying the stillness of the woods below and the calmness of the ocean in the distance, I couldn’t help notice there was also constant activity—hikers passing by, children swimming in the water, cars whizzing by on the road below. And yet, none of the activity seemed to interfere with the peace around me. The activities all seemed to be included in this peace. It reminded me of what a favorite author, Mary Baker Eddy, wrote in Science and Health: “God rests in action.”


I could see all my days as holy—dedicated to God.




It hit me then that all my days could include both activity and rest—in fact, they could even be simultaneous. Rather than trying to follow this commandment by taking one day off to keep it holy, I could see all my days, all my work, as holy—dedicated to God.

Even while I am working, no matter what I am doing, I can acknowledge the built-in refreshment that comes from serving God. I can listen for His guidance and feel His restful presence with me. By dedicating my days to God, I can also find ample opportunities, not only to accomplish the work that needs to be done, but to enjoy activities with family and friends and to find some peaceful moments to rest. Doing right work and prayerfully dedicating it to God includes rest within itself.


By dedicating my days to God, my work won’t suffer.




I’ve started to search out small moments during the day to reserve exclusively for talking with God—on the train to and from work, at lunch and even during quiet moments when I’m thinking through a response to write to my customers. I’ve even discovered that by dedicating my days to God, my work doesn’t suffer—even when I take days away to enjoy time with my family and friends.

Refreshment comes from tuning out the worries, planning and rumination about what needs to be done and tuning in the joys of what God is sharing with me every moment—an inspiring idea, the laughter and joy of a little child, a job well done or a tender hug from my husband.

Although my schedule hasn’t gotten any less full, I am feeling more rested and in control of my day by seeing God’s control of my days. I’m getting better at embracing the holiness of life and seeing every day as the Sabbath day, which God has blessed and hallowed.

Temper tempered with spiritual anger management

In the lighthearted comedy, Anger Management, a mild-mannered man ends up getting into a fight and is eventually ordered by a judge to undergo anger management therapy. But unlike in the movie, anger is no laughing matter.

Studies indicate increased incidents of angry outbursts on planes, in workplaces and on the highway. And media coverage of incidents like a father fatally attacking another parent at his son’s hockey game, points to an increasing need for permanent solutions to stem the tide of anger that threatens to get out of control.

David Stevens found a way to not only control anger but be freed from it. Fifteen years ago as a college dean at a small Midwestern college, David remembers how unpleasant it used to be for his family whenever he lost his temper.


“I would tell myself that it wasn’t my fault.”




“I thought the other people—my wife, my children or colleagues at work—just were not seeing my side of things,” David says now. “I would tell myself that it wasn’t my fault.”

David’s wife, Laurie, remembers that David’s temper made it difficult for them to communicate. Tension would mount because she and the children did not want to say or do anything to get him upset. “The temper was intimidating,” says Laurie. David’s daughter Brooke told him she was scared of him.

David also started having an irregular heartbeat and chest pains, which were, at times, pretty severe. He grew worried that he was having heart problems and wondered on a few occasions if he’d make it through the night.


David realized that he needed to do something about these problems.




David realized that he needed to do something about these problems. He had been told growing up that his temper stemmed from his family history—many of the men in his family had bad tempers. But he had also seen how his father was able to resolve this problem through a deepened spiritual understanding.

David felt encouraged by his father’s transformation. He thought that he too could find a spiritual resolution to this problem. He started looking for ideas that could help him in Science and Health. “All my life I’ve turned to Science and Health along with my study of the Bible,” Dave says. “It’s always helped me. And this was a serious issue that I was trying to pray about deeply. From Science and Health I’d always found healing ideas, inspiration and guidance.”

One idea that David found helpful is that God is his divine Parent who gives him a good inheritance. “Science and Health told me that God is our Father and Mother,” says David. “This Father and Mother is divine Love, all good.” Since God is the divine Father and Mother who gives all that is good, he realized this Parent had never given him any bad traits. He could be free. He could identify himself spiritually, rather than as someone who was saddled with a temper.


[They] decided it was time to make some major changes in their lives.




In 1988, David and Laurie decided it was time to make some major changes in their lives. David quit his job to spend more time with his family. The family left their home in the Midwest and took a one-year trip through Europe.

Nine of these months were spent camping. David and Laurie home-schooled their two children, Josh (12) and Brooke (9). They also spent more time talking together, sharing ideas and reading books.

The family got closer as they discovered they could talk things through and laugh together. “We would laugh so hard, we were sure we were going to be thrown out of the campgrounds!” says David.

David remembers this as a valuable time for him as he continued to work through the problem with his temper and the physical symptoms he’d had. A sentence from Science and Health hit home for him: “What we most need is the prayer of fervent desire for growth in grace, expressed in patience, meekness, love, and good deeds.”


He felt calmer. The chest pains subsided.




David explains that he argued with this sentence when he had first read it. “I said, ‘You can’t tell me what I most need! What I most need is for people to see I’m right!’” says David now, laughing. But as he continued to study and think about the ideas in Science and Health, he felt calmer. The chest pains subsided.

The family actively supported David’s efforts to react less and love more. They reminded David of his goal to be more patient, meek and loving whenever he started to become angry.

“We would tell him that we were working together as a team,” said Brooke. “We started to joke with him in a loving way. We’d tell him not to make ‘that face.’” This would break the tension of the moment and help David regain his equilibrium.

After their one-year trip, the family relocated to California. Four years later, when Brooke was a freshman in high school, David found himself starting to lose his temper again when he and Brooke got into arguments stemming from her growing independence as a teenager. The chest pains also returned.


“There’s no amount of rightness lost in loving first.”




David put a sign up on his desk that said, “Don’t be right—love.” He thought more about that passage he’d wrestled with while in Europe. “Instead of always wanting to be right, I decided to identify more closely with the qualities of patience, meekness, love and good deeds,” says David. “There’s no amount of rightness lost in loving first.”

Brooke noticed that her father grew more open to her point of view. She and her father stopped arguing. “We were more able to talk things through,” Brooke says. “My dad would sit down with us and hear our perspective.” David stopped losing his temper and the physical symptoms went away for good.

Today, almost a decade later, the whole family is very close. “The major problem our family has now when we get together is that we laugh too much!” says David, who today works as a spiritual healer, and shares the ideas he’s learned from Science and Health with audiences around the US.

David feels that anyone can learn from Science and Health how to see what we all have in common as sons and daughters of God. It’s this spiritual perspective, he says, that will heal anger in families, in the public and perhaps even between nations.

Support for the Sandwich generation

It’s like juggling several balls at once. Suddenly your mom, dad or another relative needs your help and comes to live with you and your family. Now you’re juggling job, kids and round-the-clock care. That’s what being a member of the sandwich generation is like.

The sandwich generation is defined as those between the ages of 45-65 who are “sandwiched” with having to care for two generations, their children and their parents. Studies show that a growing number of people are finding themselves in this situation due to economic factors (grown children moving back in with parents for whatever reason) and health factors (parents living longer, but having special care needs later in life.)

Thirty years ago, Val Truesdale, her husband Pope and four children finally were beginning to have the life they’d always dreamed about. They felt financially secure, were beginning to take vacations and had started to raise Great Danes. Everything changed when they found out Val’s mother-in-law could no longer care for herself.


“Families stay together.”




Maimee, as she was affectionately called, needed round-the-clock care, and her other children were unable to take her in. “We had the room in our house and were happy to have Maimee stay with us,” says Val. “There was no question that we would take Maimee in for as long as we could care for her. We’ve always felt that’s what we’re supposed to do. Families stay together.”

Trying to blend three generations in one household wasn’t easy. Previously as a visitor, Maimee could enjoy seeing her grandchildren and then return to home to her own routine. Now she needed to get used to four kids between the ages of 8 and 13, four Great Danes and a very hectic household schedule. Sometimes the hub of activity was too much for her and she would ask Val to make the children be quiet. “Needless to say, the boys couldn’t be kept quiet all the time!” Val says with a laugh.

At first, Val said, it was easy to care for Maimee. She was relatively independent and could get around on her own. Maimee was included in the family activities and meals and had her own room for privacy and quiet.


The burden of care fell on Val.




But within two months, Maimee confined herself to her bed and demanded constant care. Since Pope was working long hours to make ends meet, the burden of care fell on Val. With no nursing experience, Val tried to care for Maimee’s needs as best she could while coping with their already full daytime schedule. To make matters worse, Maimee started to ring the bell she’d been given at all hours of the day or night just to get attention. Neither Val nor Pope could get any sleep. Val was exhausted and stressed out.

According to Helen Hunter, a social worker and pastoral counselor specializing in eldercare, Val’s case is not an isolated one. Families feel a commitment and a large responsibility to care for aging relatives and parents, Helen explains. These relatives don’t necessarily want to go to a care facility and the family members don’t want to put them there. “They are really in a stressful bind, particularly when they have to care for the person 24/7,” says Helen. “This is what the folks in this position are dealing with.”


Spirituality plays a large role in providing support.




Helen encourages the family members and patients she works with to turn to friends, family and the community for help. She wants people to know that they don’t have to go it alone. But she also finds that spirituality plays a large role in providing support. In her visits, she prays with family members and assures them that God is a source of strength that they can lean on no matter where they are.

“I tell some people you can be in your car, in your bed, in your house, anywhere. If you open the door and let God in, God will be there with you,” says Helen. “I’ve actually had families say to me that this one idea has helped them get through tough times.”

Val agrees. Looking back, she is grateful for the emotional and spiritual support she received from her own mother, her grandmother and her friends. Her friend Patsy would often watch the kids to allow Val time to get out of the house for a while. And Val would regularly telephone her mother and grandmother for ideas on how to cope.


“We are all dwelling together in God’s house.”




“My mother would often quote the verse, ‘Blessed are they that dwell in thy house,’” says Val. “She would point out that we are all dwelling together in God’s house, and that everyone dwelling in this house—including me—has the same right to God’s love, compassion and affection. She would also remind me that God is there for me. All I need to do is lean on Him and He will help me.”

Her friends and family would often pray with her and for her. She could feel this support and love, Val explains, and these prayers gave her a feeling of peace. Although she often didn’t have time to sit down for longer periods of quiet time to pray, Val would pray on the run. The kitchen sink served as her “altar”—her place to pray and take a break from the stress. She would look out the window and think about God or pray the Lord’s Prayer. Thinking about God as the Parent who was tenderly caring for everyone’s needs gave her strength and a feeling that God was there for her and her entire family.


Her family continued their commitment to Maimee’s care.




Eventually, Maimee did go to a nursing facility. Seeing that she was happy and well cared for by the staff helped reassure Val she hadn’t failed as a caregiver. Her family continued their commitment to Maimee’s care through regular visits. And, Val adds, Maimee thrived on the constant attention and affection she got at the nursing home.

Thirty years later, Val says the prayers, which supported her when she was caring for Maimee, continue to encourage her as she works with her own patients today. Val is now a non-medical nurse who gives care and spiritual support to patients. In her work, she and her patients talk about God and they often pray together.

“In my work, I provide my patients with someone to be with, to talk to, to care for them,” says Val. “But I’ve learned that it’s really God who is caring for them. God loves all of us. We’re all loved completely. That’s a blessing for everyone—not just the ones we’re caring for, but for all of us.”

Spiritual 1040

It was getting close to the deadline for filing our taxes. We owed big time—much more than we could afford. I had spent the weekend going over our forms, wading through a confusing collection of tax rules calculating and re-calculating the figures. By the end of the weekend I was exhausted, panicked and feeling hugely resentful.


We owed big time!




It got to the point that I considered fudging the amount my husband Scott made teaching piano to bring our total income down. I felt like we were being penalized for being happily married, both working and for my husband's private teaching.

My spiritual instincts, however, told me that ruminating over this situation was not going to solve the problem. And, for that matter, being dishonest and feeling resentful about the tax rules and regulations wouldn't lead to a solution either.

I knew that I needed help. I could talk to an accountant for basic advice about filling out the tax forms. But I was afraid that going to an accountant would make things even worse—maybe there were things I didn't know that would raise the amount we owed even higher!

I really wanted to get over all the frustration and resentment, so that I could find the best solution. Ultimately, the help I needed had to come from a deeper place.

I asked myself how I could approach this situation from a spiritual perspective. Once I got quiet, I felt something in my thought shift when I remembered a sentence from a book I regularly read as part of my spiritual study, Science and Health: "Whatever it is your duty to do, you can do without harm to yourself." This idea gave me a glimmer of hope. It reminded me that God is with me, protecting and guiding me, no matter what my duty happens to be. I am not alone! And if I follow divine guidance, I won't be harmed.

I think of God as a loving Father and Mother who cares for all and provides everything that's needed. And God doesn't penalize me for the good He provides.


I took a moment to fill out a "spiritual 1040."




Since I had something better to think about, the frustration and fear began to diminish. As I continued filling out the forms and mulling over these ideas, I thought: What if I took a moment to fill out a "spiritual 1040" to acknowledge the good that I already have in my life?

I started by thanking God for the good we had received during the past year, for our wonderful marriage and comfortable home, for the jobs and hobbies that we enjoy, and a church full of members who are like family to us. I remembered with joy the fact that although we're not rich, we've been able to pay our bills and we've always had whatever we need whenever we need it. And I was thankful for those times during the year when I needed comfort, guidance, reassurance, and had been able to feel God's love.

This "spiritual 1040" showed a large income of spiritual blessings! I felt very relieved and grateful as the heavy feelings of fear, resentment and frustration melted away.

With this new, less fearful perspective, we called a financial advisor. He offered us suggestions that helped lower our debt and clarified for me how to fill out the forms in a way that more accurately reflected our earnings without being dishonest.

And a couple of weeks later, we received some unexpected checks in the mail. The first was a refund on an insurance policy and the second was a refund of real estate taxes that we didn't even realize had been owed to us. We used these refund checks to pay our taxes.

While I'm grateful for the way things turned out, I found something even more important that year. I learned that, when it comes to filing and paying taxes, my duty includes filing a "spiritual 1040," acknowledging God's lasting blessings.

Single mom pursues the balance of work and family

An article in The Christian Science Monitor (“More working parents play ‘beat the clock,’” June 2, 2004) highlights the challenges of single mothers and two-career couples to balance work and childcare. Because of the demands at work, more couples are being forced to work nontraditional hours with later or rotating shifts, which has a negative impact on providing quality childcare or family time.

Recently, my husband Scott and I joined Susan Haslam and her 6-year-old daughter Noelle for a bowl of ice cream at Kimball’s Farm. Nestled in at the last shaded picnic table on a hot day, Susan talked about Noelle’s interests—sports, art, music, Sponge Bob, and reading the dictionary.

I wanted to know how Susan was able to balance full-time work with the demands of being a single mother. She replies, “I remember that God does the work, not me. And I make sure that I put God first, then family, then work.” She strives to always keep her priorities straight. It was hard at first, she adds, but it does get easier.


Susan decided it was time to adopt.




Like a growing number of single women in the US, Susan had always wanted to be a mom. But Mr. Right never came along. Tired of waiting and hoping to marry and have children someday, Susan decided it was time to adopt. After a two-year adoption process, she went to China in February 1999 and returned home with 1-year-old Noelle.

With a secure job as a business manager and a home that she shared with her parents, Susan figured all the elements she needed for caring for Noelle’s needs were in place. She says, “I thought, okay, I had the job and the home, and the baby will just fit into it.”

What she found instead was entirely different. She had to rework everything around Noelle. She had focused so much on getting the child, Susan explains, that she hadn’t realized how difficult it would be caring for Noelle day to day. “It was much harder than I thought it would be,” Susan says now.

After a five-week maternity leave, Susan returned to her job on a part-time basis. Her mother took care of Noelle during the day while she was at work. But Susan quickly saw this arrangement was not going to work. Sure, it was wonderful that her mother was available and willing to take care of Noelle while she was working. But after so many years of waiting to have a child, Susan longed to give Noelle her time and attention. She felt torn.


Susan wanted to quit, but she was scared.




On top of this, there was tension in the office. Susan wanted to quit, but she was scared. She needed the money to pay her part of the mortgage and support herself and Noelle. “I was thinking, Oh my gosh, here I am a single parent,” Susan says. “How can I possibly afford to be home with her?”

Two months later, Susan had had enough and gave her office 12 week’s notice. The job was just too emotionally draining, she explains. “As a single mother, it was just too much to combine the two responsibilities.”

Faced with the prospect of being unemployed, Susan felt both relieved at the opportunity to be home with Noelle and scared about paying the bills. She also felt overwhelmed by the responsibility she had taken on. She didn’t know what to do next.

But she was grateful for the support and encouragement that her parents were giving her—physically, spiritually and emotionally. “They did not let me give up,” Susan says.


She could rely on God’s spiritual thoughts.




Her mother encouraged Susan to pray to God and lean on His support. She shared Susan’s love for the Bible and reminded her daughter of favorite verses that comforted her. A verse in I John helped her feel encouraged to try new ideas and see if they were leading her in the direction that God had for her: “Try the spirits whether they are of God.” Susan explained that for her the “spirits” represented ideas or thoughts, and this Bible verse reminded her that God constantly sends her ideas. She could rely on God’s spiritual thoughts to lead her where she should go.

In September, Susan’s father retired and her parents planned to move to Florida. Susan decided to move with them and explore options down in Florida. But soon after the move, she started feeling unhappy and restless. She didn’t like Florida and missed New England. Florida wasn’t the home she wanted for herself and Noelle. Susan felt frustrated and afraid as she looked at her mounting credit card debt. Now what? she thought.

Susan and Noelle loved listening to a hymn that Noelle’s favorite toy lamb played. This was her favorite hymn, Susan explains, and its message became a lifeline for her. Part of the hymn reads, “Shepherd, show me how to go/O’er the hillside steep/How to gather, how to sow/How to feed Thy sheep.”

As Susan listened to this hymn, she thought about how God was shepherding her and Noelle—meeting their needs and guiding them step-by-step. She remembered her mother’s encouragement that God is taking care of everything that she and Noelle needed—financially, physically and emotionally. “God made this child complete,” Susan’s mother would often tell her. “There’s nothing we can give her and nothing we can take away from her because God has already given it to her.”


She started to feel more reassured.




As Susan prayed with these ideas, she started to feel more reassured that she could work and not feel like she was neglecting Noelle. Her trust that God was caring for them both started to replace the stress and fear she had felt.

With this added confidence, Susan applied for other jobs—one in Vermont and a substitute teaching job in Florida. When the job in Vermont didn’t work out, Susan decided to take the substitute teaching job, which soon developed into a part-time teaching position for the last five months of the school year.

Susan was thrilled to get the job. She was finally doing something that she had always wanted to do. Her parents were enjoying their time with Noelle and the teaching schedule gave her time to be with Noelle as well. Plus, she was paying off her credit card debt! But in the back her mind, she still missed New England.

Five months later, when the school year ended, Susan’s contract was not renewed. But she again leaned on God, confident that He would continue to care for her and Noelle, just as he had for the past year. She felt grateful for the time she was able to spend with Noelle.


This time everything fit.




A call soon came from her former office for a business consulting job in New England. Susan now felt this would be the right job for her to take and moved with her parents and Noelle to a home in Sturbridge. This time everything fit—the home, the work environment, even the arrangements for Noelle’s care and preschool. And the credit card debt was soon paid off.

Four years later, although her mother has passed on, her father is still available to pick Noelle up after kindergarten and take care of her until Susan gets home from work. Her fears about leaving Noelle to go to work during the day are gone, replaced by a confident trust that she is being safely cared for. “This child is loved and cared for by God and she feels that,” Susan says now.

Susan now looks back on the challenges of her first year with Noelle as a positive experience. She says this experience has taught her she can really turn to God and rely on Him, rather than having to assume the entire burden of parenting herself. “You have to let go of that and realize that it’s not your responsibility, it’s God’s,” says Sue. “God only gives us what we can handle and He’s handling it for us anyway.”

Self-respect restored after date rape

“Nothing can change who you are in God’s eyes, no matter what happens,” says Barbara Fife, now a spiritual healer.

Speaking on the phone from her home in Vancouver, Canada, Barbara shared with me how the ideas in the book, Science and Health, helped her 35 years ago when she was a victim of date rape as a teenager.

Like most teens Barbara was longing to feel loved. She didn’t feel attractive or smart, and dating didn’t come easy. So she was thrilled when a friend introduced her to an older guy in his 20's. They started dating steadily over the next few months.


“He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”




One evening, while at a party with her boyfriend, Barbara was feeling upset about something someone said. She went into another room to be alone. Her boyfriend, who had had too much to drink, followed her to offer comfort. But soon he started to pressure her physically and verbally to have sex. Barbara couldn’t stop him. “He wouldn’t leave me alone,” she says. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He ended up raping her.

This problem is worldwide. Today in the US, for example, one in four college women have either been raped or have suffered attempted rape. [See link below.] Although there is an increasing number of incidents involving the date rape drug Rohypnol, rape also includes any situation where someone is pressured or forced physically or verbally to have sex against their will.

After this experience, Barbara felt angry with herself and stupid. She thought it was her fault. “I thought that if I hadn’t been at the party or had done things differently, this wouldn’t have happened,” Barbara says now.


Barbara kept the experience to herself.




So Barbara kept the experience to herself. People didn’t talk openly about this issue 35 years ago. She didn’t even feel she could confide in her mother or any other member of her family. She didn’t think they would understand.

Barbara’s experience just reinforced her negative self-image. Life had no purpose and everything she leaned on in her life had been pulled away from her. “I felt like I had lost a part of myself that I could never get back,” Barbara says.

But despite his actions, Barbara continued dating her boyfriend. At the time she felt that since everyone else she knew had a boyfriend, it would look strange to break up. But the relationship lasted only three months more.

In the meantime, Barbara started having recurring migraine headaches. They were so severe she couldn’t move or work for at least a day afterward. The doctor she went to told her the headaches were stress-related and prescribed painkillers, but these didn’t help.


“I just wanted to put this all behind me.”




Depressed and in pain, Barbara longed for relief. She went to stay with her aunt in British Columbia. “I just wanted to put this all behind me,” she says.

At first, things definitely felt better. Her aunt gave her the space and quiet she was looking for and was glad to be away from the situation, grateful that her aunt wasn’t judgmental and didn't ask too many questions.

But her depression didn’t go away. A month later, she wrote to her mother. While not revealing the rape, she did pour out her feelings. “I’m tired of waiting for that perfect day when everything in my life will be better,” she wrote.

Barbara remembered a book called Science and Health that her mother had packed in her suitcase. She had put the book on a shelf and forgotten about it. Now, she took it down and started flipping through it.


“I felt like I was coming home.”




On page 496, she saw this phrase: “…the way will grow brighter ‘unto the perfect day.’” It seemed to be speaking right to her. Barbara felt a glimmer of hope and reassurance as she read these words and the paragraph surrounding it. [See link below.] “I felt like I was coming home,” Barbara says. “I felt like everything would be okay.”

She started to read Science and Health from the beginning. The ideas told her that no matter what she had gone through or how she had behaved, God’s love was right there with her all the time. “I soaked in everything Science and Health told me about God’s unconditional love for me,” recalls Barbara. “I wasn’t feeling judged. I was the loved of Love. I could lean on that Love.”

The turning point came when Barbara spent some time thinking about this passage: “The admission to one’s self that man is God’s own likeness sets man free to master the infinite idea.” She realized that she hadn't been thinking of herself as “God’s own likeness.” She had been putting herself down continually.


She asked herself what it meant to be God’s own likeness.




She asked herself what it meant to be God’s own likeness and started to look for more ideas in Science and Health. She found out that what she thought she had lost was still hers. She saw that her innocence and worth are spiritual qualities that are God-given, so cannot be taken from her. “The more I read, the more I realized that I never lost my connection with God,” she says. “God’s view of me as beautiful, perfect and pure is constant and unchangeable. Nothing can touch that.”

Barbara started to feel a peace she hadn’t felt in a long time. The negative thoughts were replaced by feelings of worth and confidence. Her depression faded. Over the next several months her migraines lessened in intensity and frequency and then disappeared.

“It was as if I was looking at myself in a spiritual mirror and seeing myself in a whole new way,” Barbara says. “I realized that I didn’t have to carry the weight of this past experience around with me. I could go forward with my life.”


“I could see myself as strong and worthy.”




“I was learning that I have a good, spiritual heritage,” Barbara continues. “I could see myself as the image of God—not only of Love, but Principle, righteousness, too. I could see myself as strong and worthy—as having a strong sense of right and wrong that was still intact.”

After four months, Barbara returned to her parents’ house in Edmonton and resumed her job in her father’s business. She met a new group of friends, including a new boyfriend who later became her husband. He respected her and what Barbara believed in. “He was someone I could talk to. He was aware of how strongly I felt about my spiritual path and what I wanted in my life,” she says with a smile in her voice. “We just clicked.”

Today Barbara shares with audiences around Canada and the US what she learned from this experience and from Science and Health since then—giving her the strength to face problems and also to help others.

“When you realize that nothing bad can touch who you are as a perfect, beautiful person, there’s comfort and healing in that,” Barbara says. “You see that God’s love is with you no matter what.”

Post 9-11-One family's hope

This is a story of a fairly typical American family and how they changed in a very untypical way.

John and Maria Spangler's home in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, is in a peaceful part of town, near the Lutheran Theological Seminary where they both work. Their lives in this small town reflect the security they felt before September 11. Living in fear of danger from bombing or terrorism was the farthest thing from their minds.

After September 11, nothing felt secure anymore. Their way of life felt like it had changed forever.


"I knew somehow that we could never go back to the way things were before this happened."



Daughter Marta, 16, remembers how anxious she felt that day and how she sought solace in the strength and love of her family. "Everything seemed to be complete chaos," she said. "Our lives felt so unbalanced and uncertain. I knew somehow that we could never go back to the way things were before this happened."

When Maria heard the news, she wanted to do something that would remind her of what she values most. She went home and made their family's favorite comfort food and a batch of cookies. John, Marta and 12-year-old Johanna joined her at home shortly afterward. They sat around the table where they shared a meal and their prayers for the world. The feeling of being together gave them strength and reminded them that the love they shared could never be lost.

"I needed to see that this couldn't disrupt what centers us as a family," said Maria. "But I also had to think as a parent: how are we going to strengthen ourselves so we can live in this new way?"

She found hope and strength in the Bible story where Jesus was preaching to a crowd of 5,000. Rather then sending them off to eat when the time came, he fed them right there. Maria found it comforting that Jesus and his disciples stayed to sit, talk and eat with the people who were waiting to be fed and comforted instead of removing themselves and going off on their own. This story touched her heart.

John added that later that day he and his family gathered with their neighbors to pray and share spiritual ideas together. As they stood together and listened to the Bible being read, he felt reassured and comforted that God's love is never far from them, no matter what happens.


"…the way we relate to each other [is how] God reveals His love to us."




Being with the family and neighbors continues to give John and Maria the feeling of Christly fellowship and comfort. They see themselves, their family, their friends and their neighbors as connected by the strength and love of God. "I think the way we relate to each other and how we are reconciled to each other are important ways in which God reveals His love to us," said Maria.

In the days and weeks following September 11, the spiritual connection the Spanglers felt with their community took on a more global perspective. The events of September 11 made them see that they needed to think beyond the security of their own home and community. "This event has made us think more internationally," Maria said.

Maria explained that she now sees herself and her spirituality as being an active part of a wider world. She feels that it isn't enough just to pray separately as a Christian. She puts her spirituality into practice by seeking to build relationships within the community, as well as with people from other countries and cultures. "I think this global experience is forcing me to ask myself as a Christian: How can I learn more about my Muslim neighbors? How can I be more respectful about my own place in the world?" said Maria.


Being separate, Maria added, is the problem.



As a teacher at the seminary, Maria now sees herself and her students as being involved in a spiritual practice of bringing wholeness to the world. She encourages her students to be more attentive to the needs of the world and to look for ways that they can bring reassurance and hope to others. Maria feels it's important now to use the strength God gave them to be open to other people and not to be closed off or separate. Being separate, Maria added, is the problem.

John, too, has felt the need to continue connecting with others. As the director of communications at the seminary, he is heartened to see people coming together and caring more about others. He feels it's important to continue the momentum, placing mutual interests above self-centered concerns. He is finding inspiration in his continuing contacts with his friends in Jerusalem who are working with Palestinian Christians under difficult circumstances to build a feeling of community where they live.


Maria and John's daughters Marta and Johanna want to be a force for peace in the world.



Maria and John's daughters, Marta and Johanna, share their parents' interest in other countries and cultures, and they both want to be a force for peace in the world. For Johanna, this means learning what it means to be a better friend and to keep the hope for world peace alive.

For Marta, being a force for peace means going beyond the borders of her own country to seeing unity throughout the world. While on vacation recently with her family, she remembers seeing the UN flag flying next to the American one. "This really struck home with me," said Marta. "To me this symbolized that we have a job and a role to play as peacemakers."

Marta is no longer feeling unsettled and fearful. Instead she is thinking about going forward. She feels that we now each have an opportunity through our lives to create a better relationship with the rest of the world. For Marta this means living her spirituality by offering others the love she feels inside.

The Spanglers hope that in the years to come, the events of September 11 won't be lost in commemoration of the attacks, but will serve as a continuing momentum for building bridges around the world that will bring peace. "My hope is that we can all learn to live together and achieve the kind of peaceful coexistence that God intends for the world," said Maria. "This is a roll up your sleeves kind of hope. It's a calling."

Pathways to peace--a peace builder speaks out

“You can’t have peace without spirituality,” says Phillip Walker, international lawyer and development consultant with a specialty in law and politics in the Middle East.

I heard Phillip speak at a local “Children of Abraham” program, sponsored by the Nashua and Souhegan Valley Interfaith Councils in New Hampshire. I interviewed him about how spirituality contributes to the peace process.

“The seed of peace starts with a willingness in your heart to take a leap of faith,” he says. “It’s the willingness to see things from the other point of view—to see the other side as human beings with their own wants, needs, feelings. It’s an act of stepping out of your cul-de-sac into another’s shoes.”

Recently, Phillip went to Iraq to participate in a study on holding elections for a new government. And from 2000-2002 he worked in Israel and Palestine with Amideast, a nonprofit organization providing education and training through out the Middle East and North Africa, to build legal infrastructures within the Palestinian National Authority that would make it possible for them to uphold their end of a peace agreement. But peace, he said in a recent phone interview, has to come from more than the technical work of building these infrastructures.

Phillip points to the Israeli-Palestinian peace process as an example of this. Although the peace accords have failed, thus far he nevertheless has seen some efforts of individuals through the years to move forward with peace. He points to steps taken in the ‘90s by Rabin and Arafat as being forward steps. He also notes that quietly, despite the political situation, ties exist between Israelis and Palestinians.


“Human ties continue to grow across that divide.”




“One of the most heartening things about working in Israel and Palestine is that even now, despite the horrible political situation, there are individual contacts that persist,” said Phillip. “Human ties continue to grow across that divide. On very stony ground, if you will, the seeds of peace continue to sprout and grow.”

Phillip remembers seeing warm affection between his Israeli taxi driver and some Arab cabbies when they stopped to get gas in the Arab sector en route from the Ben Gurion airport to East Jerusalem. The Arab cabbies were concerned for the Israeli driver’s safety and offered help if he wanted to come there again.

“What struck me was the genuine affection that existed between these rather rough men,” says Phillip now. “They knew each other, understood each other and had worked out their own peace as cabbies, not as Arabs and Israelis.”


Stepping into another’s shoes can be a spiritual act.




One time, while working in Jerusalem, Phillip and a Jewish friend visited the Wailing Wall. While there, a guardian approached them and complained about Phillip’s friend’s lack of head covering. Although an initial squabble with this guardian left them feeling unsettled, a long discussion between the friends about prayer and sanctity left them both with a new appreciation of different approaches and perspectives on prayer.

Phillip feels that stepping into another’s shoes, like the guardian at the Wailing Wall, can be a spiritual act. “It’s a divine gift to see things from the other perspective and it’s our responsibility to struggle to make this happen,” he says. “If we struggle to make that happen, we will be helped to make that happen.”

A key element to the peace process, Phillip adds, is prayer. He says, “Working in the Palestinian Authority I would say that prayer has had a positive impact both in my own life and in the lives of people around me. Prayer keeps people centered on the real issue. It’s the enemy of hate.”

Whether you sit, stand, kneel, pray on Sunday morning or Friday evening, he explains, prayer is first and foremost an inward process. “If you’re not praying in your heart, you’re not praying,” says Phillip. And, he adds, it’s this act of prayer that allows different sides to remain open to change and to view each other as people, rather than as a political side to be argued or an enemy to be vilified or attacked.

As a practicing Christian, Phillip feels an important component of prayer is opening up to the Divine—giving in to being filled by a Higher Power. To Phillip, this Higher Power is a firm foundation—the One that holds all things together. “I feel that God works in the world,” said Phillip. “God works in the world in surprising and delightful ways when you least expect it.”


Peace can also come from a sustained effort among people.




But, he adds, one’s own private spiritual practice is not enough. Peace can also come from a sustained effort among people as well. Phillip feels it’s necessary to break down the barriers of hate—not only among government leaders, but at the grassroots level as well, among individuals.

“It’s easy to talk about the conflicts in these different corners of the world and that we really should do something because we believe in peace and love, without reflecting that there is hate in our own community,” says Phillip. “There are deep divisions within our own community that need to be resolved.”

Phillip feels each individual can make a difference in bringing peace to the Middle East—and in their own neighborhoods. He encourages individuals to take action as peacemakers to stop hate. This action can take any one of a number of forms. Whether traveling to an area to learn more about another culture, writing letters, making charitable donations or working to break down prejudices in local neighborhoods, everyone can be a peace builder.

“It starts with individuals,” said Phillip. “The evidence of the possibilities of peace are everywhere in front of you.”

Menopause-a new beginning

Menopause had not been something I wanted to think about or even discuss. Being in my early 40s, I had always imagined that it was something that would happen when you're older—in your 50s. Until it happened to me.

I had been so excited because I thought I was pregnant. After all, it had been a couple months since my last period. However, the home pregnancy tests I took showed no sign of pregnancy and I decided to consult a midwife for confirmation.

A couple days later, the midwife called to confirm the results of the blood tests. I was not pregnant. This was the onset of menopause!

The midwife was informing me of my options, but I was only hearing about half of what she said. My thoughts were racing.

Menopause!

She said I could undergo hormone replacement therapy.

But it's too soon!

I could look into fertility treatments.

I'm not pregnant. Things were not supposed to happen this way.

Or I could do nothing and just go on with my life.

After I hung up the phone, I couldn't stop crying. It felt like a door had slammed shut. I had waited too long to become pregnant. I felt like something inside me had died. A feeling of emptiness overwhelmed me.

I remembered the midwife's options. Hormone replacement therapy and, with very long odds of success, fertility treatments seemed to me like trying to reverse nature by force. And they were expensive. Plus, there was no guarantee that they would even work.

I was feeling empty inside. I needed comfort.

I wasn't satisfied, though, in just doing nothing. I was feeling empty inside. I needed comfort.

The only way I knew to do that was to look for some spiritual inspiration. I turned to two books that I regularly study to learn more about God—the Bible and Science and Health. I also talked with my mother, who shares my love for the ideas in these two books.

My mother assured me that I did not have to expect all the signs and symptoms associated with menopause. This was a normal and natural process—nature leaving behind something that's no longer needed.

I loved that idea. I could go on with my life and fill it with new things that lay ahead for me. It reminded me of an idea I found in Science and Health: "Willingness to become as a little child and to leave the old for the new, renders thought receptive of the advanced idea."

I also remembered what a friend had told me about her experience with menopause. As she saw this new phase as an opportunity to look at life as something continually new and fresh, she started to discover new things about herself. And, she found new opportunities in her career.

I was excited about looking at menopause in this light. Instead of seeing it as an end to productivity, fruitfulness and youthfulness, I could instead see a new beginning—a new birth to my life. I could look forward to discovering new possibilities and purpose and embark on a spiritual adventure of discovering more about my spirituality based on my unbroken relationship with God.

And yet, an emptiness remained. I felt like I had missed the boat in having kids. Although, as friends and family assured me, there was still the option to have children through adoption or fostering. I still wanted to find the spiritual peace that would fill this empty void. I couldn't stop crying. I felt like the women I had read about in the Bible who were barren and cried out to God for help.

I prayed silently to God. I asked why, if I had such a deep yearning, would I have to miss out on the joys of children. And then I listened. I felt like the women I had read about in the Bible who were barren and cried out to God for help. While I wasn't counting on an instant baby, I felt I could expect a tender answer that would help and comfort me.

I wasn't disappointed. A tender answer came that helped me feel mothered, loved and comforted. It was a reassurance that I never have to be deprived of childhood experiences in my life. I could see childhood in terms of spiritual qualities—innocence, trust, fun, joy, expectancy and enthusiasm—which God has already given to me. My life was filled with these qualities and I could fully enjoy them in my life—in my work and in my home. I began to see myself as a child, not necessarily needing to have a child.

I have felt wistful from time to time. And I haven't totally dismissed the idea of having children. But I'm thinking about this idea differently now in a more hopeful way—without the empty feeling or the deep ache. I'm thinking about the fresh, new childlike things that are waiting to be discovered in my life. And I'm feeling supported by God's promise to me that my life is filled with good things.

It's been several months since that call came from the midwife. I've noticed that I'm not having those moments of feeling hot and sweaty anymore. Just growing moments of spiritual inspiration, childlike joy and spiritual peace.

Making a home for heart pets

"It gives me great pleasure to know we have an impact on the lives of homeless animals by finding them the homes they so richly deserve," said Mark Isenberg, president of the board for the Animal Rescue League of New Hampshire, the largest animal shelter in the state.

Mark explained that animals have a pure and innocent perspective. "I love to think of animals as a pure expression of God's intent. They come to us with complete trust—a pure sense of love. No matter what happens to them, even if they are betrayed, they keep coming back with a desire to please their owners and to be loved. All they want to do is love without reservation and without asking for anything in return."
"There's a special spiritual communication that exists."

Animals have, Mark added, a depth of feeling and an ability to communicate with people in nonverbal ways. "There's a special spiritual communication that exists between people and animals," Mark said.

The motivation for his work with animals comes from a special relationship he had with his dog, Virginia, that he described as his "heart pet." A heart pet, Mark explained, is the specific pet with which you have a particularly special bond. And it's this type connection that impels Mark to help and protect animals.

Mark tells the story of a black Labrador named Elvis. Described as a happy, loveable dog, Elvis had been diagnosed with a muscular disease and was given less than six months to live. Elvis was not able to stand or walk longer than five minutes without falling down and had been abandoned by his former owners when he was a puppy.

"The shelter staff discussed what to do," said Mark. "We decided that there was a right home for him out there somewhere and we wanted to do everything we could to find him that home."

"God was looking at me and saying to me, 'This is your dog.'"

The staff placed ads in the newspapers and Elvis was even featured on television. Lisa Belanger, his current owner, saw him on the television show. "I looked up at the television set from what I was doing and saw this big, beautiful face of a black Lab," said Lisa. The program mentioned they were looking for someone to give the dog hospice care. She thought this dog should have a home—even if he was only with them for a short time. "God was looking at me and saying to me, 'This is your dog,'" said Lisa.

When she met him at the shelter, Lisa's felt a connection, so she brought him home. At first, her friends reacted with pity whenever they saw Elvis fall. But Lisa noticed when they didn't react, Elvis would pull himself up and keep going. "I told people not to react," said Lisa. "I explained that he was fine."

In the months following, Lisa noticed that Elvis gradually stood and walked for longer periods.

Elvis gained weight and strength, as well as more mobility. According to Lisa, he now walks on a leash, bounds through the snow, climbs in your lap and does high fives. Four years later, he's a strong, beautiful dog.

"We just let him be a dog."

"When we took him to the Manchester Animal Hospital, the doctors who knew him from the shelter couldn't believe it," said Lisa. "They wanted to know what we did. We just let him be a dog. He's been loved, cared for and supported."

Elvis has been a blessing in her life and he has made friends with so many people—even with those who avoid dogs.

Lisa's Aunt Clare, who is afraid of dogs, visited them one Christmas. "We had Elvis in one part of the room and my aunt in another part of the room," explained Lisa. "We had taught Elvis to bark in a way that sounds like, 'I love you' and wanted to show this to Aunt Clare."

When she heard Elvis say "I love you," Aunt Clare cracked up. She couldn't stop looking at Elvis and eventually came over to pat him on the head. When it was time for her aunt to go, she said goodbye to everyone and thanked Elvis for being such a good dog.

"The next thing that happened was amazing," said Lisa. "Without prompting from us, Elvis answered, 'I love you!'"

Light a candle for peace

“Even if you light just one candle to dispel a little bit of darkness instead of cursing the dark, you are doing something tremendous," said Archbishop Desmond Tutu. "When you do your little bit of good where you are, it is those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world."

On Sunday evening, March 16th at 7:00 pm a wave of light and hope for peace spread thoughout the world. Starting in New Zealand and moving to 140 countries, individuals gathered in candlelight vigils to stand together and pray for peace.

These vigils were a worldwide peace effort by California-based www.moveon.org in response to a call by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and other religious leaders to hold candlelight vigils around the world to say yes for peace. Over 6800 candlelight vigils were organized by local volunteers. Jack Shimeck and Arun Sankar organized the vigil at Deschenes Park in Nashua, New Hampshire.

“Most people want to have peace,” explained Arun. “We all have to start with our own community.” Arun explained that the event had originally been started at her house. By Friday night 15 people had signed up to attend. However, interest had grown to 23 who registered for the event on www.moveon.org and they decided to move the vigil to a more public spot. To their delight and surprise, 50 people showed up on a chilly night at 7:00 pm and the numbers steadily increased to over 100 as the evening wore on.

“I was so overjoyed to see that so many people are concerned about peace in a time where the government is threatening war,” said Jack Shimeck, co-coordinator of the event. “I no longer feel like a voice in the wilderness. I feel like a part of something now.”

Jack explained that he felt impelled to speak out for his conviction for peace and for making the world a better place. “I figure I have to do something instead of just complaining,” he said. Jack added that he felt our spirituality plays a part in achieving peace. “All our outer world actions come from what’s inside,” said Jack. “My own spirituality indicates that I shouldn’t do harm to other people. If everyone thought that way, it would be a peaceful world.”

Around us, people from different religious and cultural backgrounds were standing together with candles. One group was singing “Amazing Grace” while in another group, people came together to share a Sanskrit prayer. In the background, car horns honked their support as people gathered together to talk about their hopes and share their prayers for peace.

“My prayer for peace is that it can actually happen,” said Carol Richey. “My hope is that people realize that we are one world.”

Fred, a large man with a booming voice paused thoughtfully. “I think everyone on this planet wants peace at the core,” he said. “In that spirit, we can all move forward together.”

Roberta and her daughter eagerly explained that peace comes when you learn to understand each other’s customs. They told about how their neighbors from Morocco had become their closest friends. “It’s been a wonderful thing for us and our children because we can share our thoughts and learn about each other’s customs,” said Roberta. “That’s been the most important thing – to teach the children that Jews, Buddhists, Moslems, people from all religions are all the same.”

Our conversation is briefly interrupted as more people join the vigil. Members from the neighboring Unitarian church came from their prayer service to join the group at the park. The street is glowing with candles as over 50 people streamed down the steps of the church and walked down the street.

Over in another part of the vigil, I find Mercedes. She was inspired by a message of love that she had heard at her church that morning. “The world has come together to forgive and to love,” said Mercedes. “The more we forgive each other, the more we can love the world. Love is definitely the answer.”

Prushant tells me about the Sanskrit prayer that was read earlier. “It’s a prayer that every child in my country of India learns, regardless of their faith is in God,” he said. This is part of the prayer:

May the Lord protect both the teacher and the disciple
May we work together with great energy and vigor.
May our study be brilliant and fruitful.
May we have no ill-will towards each other.
Peace, peace peace to everyone in the world.

“I think we have to keep doing this work,” one of the Unitarian church members chimed in. “And I think spirituality is the key to achieving peace.”

Let God do it

The deadline for the project at work loomed and we were nowhere near done.

It was complicated. This project involved informing our retail stores in about 35 countries of a change in rates determining publication prices in their currencies. We also had to instruct them how to calculate these prices. We needed information and approval from various offices, a task that was putting us way behind schedule. If the mailing was not sent by the deadline, the stores in question would not be allowed to sell our products.

It seemed the harder I tried to move the project forward, the more obstacles presented themselves. I was to the point of frustration and tears, and finally said to a co-worker, "I've done all I can to complete this project and I can't do anything further! I just don't know what to do now."

My co-worker and I had discovered long before that we both have a love for spirituality, so we often shared inspiration with each other. It helped us a lot in our work. Like me, my co-worker finds that prayer is an anchor for her in her life, especially during tough times.

"It's time to let God take over."

She looked at me calmly as I dissolved into tears, and she put her hand on my shoulder. "Yes," she said, "you have done everything you can. But now it's time to get yourself out of the way and let God take over."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course! I had been seeing myself as responsible for the project. I had been thinking that through my own ability everything would and could be accomplished. Boy, was it ever time for a change!
During the weekend, I prayed. I knew from past experience that being quiet and listening for God's direction would show me the way. As I thought about God and His ever-present care for me, I felt less frustrated and more at peace. I realized that I could never be separated from God's guidance because His presence is always with me. The thought came that I could relax and let God's will be done.

Nothing Love does can ever result in failure.

To me, this doesn't mean sitting back and doing nothing, or giving up and leaving everything to chance. And it doesn't mean that you have to resign yourself to a bad result or be afraid that this is what God would want for anyone. God is Love and all-powerful good. Love's intention for all creation can only be an outcome that benefits everyone. Nothing Love does can ever result in failure.

I also didn't have to wait for things to change in order for something good to happen. Good isn't delayed. God doesn't put you on hold. God is ever-present good in action and is always available, day or night, to provide the guidance you are seeking.

These ideas gave me a new way of looking at the project. Instead of seeing it with dread and as being fraught with delays and obstacles, I started viewing it as an opportunity to see God's intelligence guiding me every step of the way. I stopped waiting anxiously and began to expect to see progress. I could expect new ideas that would enhance and simplify the project and benefit everyone.

All the information I needed came in.

My expectation soon led to actual excitement about the project. Instead of seeing myself as responsible for everything, I got myself out of the way and let God take over.

Unexpected solutions came quickly. All the information I needed came in. Staff members came up with suggestions that enhanced the project, including an idea for a software program that would make things easier the following year. And I learned that stores requiring the price list could receive it a little later than was originally thought without penalty.

I am seeing more and more that I don't have to accomplish things purely on my own steam and that I can turn to God and trust His solutions. And the results will be excellent!

I found my voice and confidence--like Seabiscuit

“Your voice is too small. We can’t hear you in the back row! Nobody likes your singing!” I remember hearing. The church where I had sung for three years was letting me go as their soloist. I felt like a loser. Time to hang up my hat and find another hobby!

When I saw the movie, Seabiscuit, I wondered if this was how Red Pollard, the jockey felt. He was considered too big, too angry and too aggressive to be taken seriously. And he was brought together with a horse considered too small and too lazy to even be a contender. Yet, these two went on to inspire a nation.

Abusive training by his former owners left Seabiscuit limping and too wild to ride. Red was abandoned by his parents at the age of 16 and became angry and bitter on the racing and boxing circuits. Beaten down in life, he felt like a loser. Nobody wanted to give him a second chance.

And yet, someone did. Where others saw an untrainable horse and a bitter young man, Tom Smith, who tamed wild horses, saw winning qualities in Seabiscuit and Red. “You don’t throw a whole life away because he’s banged up a little,” said Tom.

This love helped me to rediscover the goodness in myself.

I cried as I watched Red and Seabiscuit respond to the love and patience shown to them both. The love that Tom showed them looked past their history and circumstantial labels and helped them to discover their true potential.

The confidence that Tom had in Red and Seabiscuit reminded me of the love one friend showed me after the singing incident. This love helped me to rediscover the goodness in myself. Like Red, I felt angry. I was angry about being let go from the singing job. I felt hurt by the criticism and had doubts about myself. And yet, this friend saw only the best in me. It didn’t matter whether my voice was big or small. It didn’t deter my friend from just loving the good things she saw about me. And, she constantly reminds me to this day, whether I sing on a stage, in a church or in the shower, it doesn’t diminish the good that God sees in me, too.

I too found my confidence through the healing power of Love.

As a spiritual seeker, I couldn’t help thinking that Tom’s love for Red and Seabiscuit and my friend’s love for me are all signs of God’s love for each of us. It’s God’s love that sees only the good in us. It restores us, strengthens us and heals our hurts. It’s this love that helps us to find our voice and our true potential, and helps us to inspire others to see the good in themselves. That’s the healing power of love.

It’s this spiritual love, I think, that gave Red and Seabiscuit the confidence to win races and even beat a Triple Crown winner. I, too, found my confidence through the healing power of Love. Through my friend’s encouragement and my own heartfelt prayers to God, I discovered more of the love that God has for me. I stopped feeling angry and hurt. And I found the confidence to sing again nine years later in front of a different congregation at a different church service.

I feel like the message of this movie is a message to each of us. Like the men (and the horse) in this movie, we can be restored and we can find our voice and become winners, too.

How I learned to love my bonfire-burning neighbors

“Hi, I’m Holly!” said our neighbor’s 8-year-old daughter looking up at me curiously. “And who are you?”

I couldn’t blame her for not knowing who I was. Despite having lived in our New Hampshire neighborhood for ten years, my husband Scott and I hardly knew our neighbors. For years my job in Boston required me to leave the house early in the morning and not return home until dinnertime. Weekends we were usually away or off doing errands. No time to talk!

It’s not that I didn’t care about my neighbors. But old habits die hard, even when my job situation changed and I started working from home three days a week. Although I felt isolated, I figured that’s the way things are when you work all day. I waved to my neighbors and occasionally said a quick hello to the family next door, but I just didn’t feel comfortable initiating anything.

The neighbors behind us started having large bonfires.

Then, early one summer, the neighbors behind us started having large bonfires.
I didn’t know these neighbors at all. It looked like they were getting rid of excess wood, and they often had friends over to enjoy the fire.

But these bonfires caused a slow burn with Scott and me. Although the fire department assured us that the neighbors had a permit and the fire was safe, I wasn’t totally convinced. The summer was hot and dry. Without fail every weekend, our neighbors burned these bonfires dangerously close to our woods. I would see them start the fire and go into the house, leaving the fire to burn on its own through the night. How long would it be, I wondered, before someone’s house, possibly ours, would start burning because of these neighbors’ irresponsibility?

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to start a fight and was afraid to confront them. I did find the courage to speak to another neighbor about it, but she just shrugged. I felt more isolated than ever.

The answer was short and sweet: Love your neighbors.

I took this question to God. As an active pray-er, I believe that I can turn to God, ask Him my most burning questions, big and small, and receive an answer from Him. This time, the answer was short and sweet: Love your neighbors.

Huh. I wondered how I could possibly love my neighbors, when I really just wanted to move. But the thought persisted.

Again, I took my questioning to God. God would surely lead me to the right action, I reasoned. He’s never let me down before. The answer came to pray for my neighborhood and to include our fire-burning neighbors in my prayer. This I could do.

A favorite verse from the Bible was the jumping-off point for my prayer: “My people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.” I felt like this verse was assuring me that our whole neighborhood could dwell in an atmosphere of peace, safety and security and that every member of this neighborhood was included in this atmosphere.

I started to feel more at peace as I thought about this dwelling place.

I started to feel more at peace as I thought about this dwelling place. Right there, I could see myself and my neighbors as dwelling in the safety, sweetness and community of God’s neighborhood. God, who I think of as ever-present Love, can only include security, peace, friendliness and beauty in His dwelling. I didn’t need to go somewhere else to find it.

I realized that instead of being afraid and annoyed, I could enjoy and appreciate the goodness of what God provides right where I’m living. Certainly with each of us sharing all that God has freely given us, I could find things about our neighbors and our neighborhood that I could appreciate and enjoy.

As I took a closer look, I started to find things to appreciate. I noticed that our neighbors Natalie and Mark had set up a really cool play area for kids in their backyard. It was always busy since all the kids on the street came over regularly to play. I also saw that the parents often got together on our street or next to our stream just to chat. I decided to join them.

Scott and I would wave or say a quick hello.

As the summer progressed, the two children of the “family of the bonfires” behind us also regularly joined in on the fun. Scott and I would wave or say a quick hello as they ran through the yard to join their friends. Soon after, they often stopped to chat and even brought over their new ducklings. We in turn invited them to meet our bunnies.

I started feeling less isolated and frustrated. I appreciated the way Natalie would go out of her way to speak to all the neighbors and invite the kids to her home. I loved how Angie and her husband landscaped their yard and always had great creative ideas. And I couldn’t resist seeing how loveable the ducklings and the two girls who lived in back of us were. There was so much sweetness and community right here in our neighborhood.

I found opportunities for getting to know my neighbors better. I bought a new baby gift for my neighbor Natalie and brought it over to her. She and Mark were thrilled that someone had thought of them. One neighbor down the street needed help loading things into her car, and Scott and I went to help her. She spontaneously invited us into her house to see her new kitchen and told me how much she’s always admired my garden. And finally, I helped find a home for our neighbors’ ducks when they moved due to a job transfer. We chatted frequently until they moved. The bonfires I had been so frustrated about became less of an issue.

By the time the summer ended, I had found so many things I loved about our neighborhood that instead of feeling isolated and frustrated, I felt included. The neighborhood now feels like part of my extended family, and we’re now starting to get to know the new neighbors in back of us. And even now, I’m still discovering new things to love about my neighbors.

Her long and winding road towards the God connection

“We were all created with a ‘God connection’ that must be acknowledged in order for our lives to be completely whole,” says Jane Mullikin, founder of spiritualsisters.com.

For Jane, Spiritual Sisters is an outgrowth of her own lifelong search to find this God connection. “In my childhood I was confused by the aspect of God as fear and I was having trouble connecting to the God of love,” Jane told me in recent email and phone conversations. “God was always a distant God. I felt I was out here somewhere where God is not.”

She often felt empty and lonely. In her 20’s, Jane remembers she was intensely homesick for a period of several months. She searched in different directions to find peace, but instead felt further away from God. “You begin to realize that you’re not that person that the Bible says you should be,” says Jane now. She couldn’t feel connected with God because she didn’t understand God at all.

“I got too busy for God.”

Jane decided to leave her job as a fifth-grade teacher when she and her husband had their first child. After her youngest son, her third child, entered kindergarten, she went into business for herself. She forgot about her search for a relationship with God and instead threw herself into her business. “In the process of getting much farther than I had dreamed of getting, I got too busy for God,” Jane says. “I got too self-reliant. I fell in love with the lyrics from Frank Sinatra’s song, ‘I did it my way.’”

For 12 years, her hobby supply business flourished, spreading to several states. Everything was looking good for Jane, but her happiness was short-lived. Her marriage fell apart and during an economic downturn, her business gradually began to fail. Eventually, the business went under and Jane had to file for bankruptcy.
It was the beginning of a continuing downward spiral. Jane’s marriage ended and she moved into the city where she could use bus service instead of a car. She used the resources she had to pay for room and board for her youngest son so he could complete high school (the others were by then grown and on their own). “Old friends and family from the affluent side of town no longer recognized me,” Jane says now. “I went from one experience to another that was more hell. Someone who had never allowed the word failure in their vocabulary turned and looked back to see a road strewn with wreck after wreck after wreck.”

“I was a displaced homeless homemaker.”

Eventually, Jane met a man she thought could help her. But the relationship didn’t last. He left her deserted on the side of a road with just the dog and $30 to her name. Jane felt so alone, with no God, no help, no support. “Here is bottom,” Jane says. “I was a displaced homeless homemaker.” What could be worse than that?
But standing there on the highway in the middle of Tennessee, Jane says now her desire to listen to God began in earnest. “I had no place to go but up,” she says. And look up she did.

It happened to be her third son Brad’s birthday. She remembered how she had felt when he was born—that God was with her as a tender Presence who communicates with her. After a difficult birth with her second child, her doctor had advised her not to have any more children. When she became pregnant again, she was advised to have an abortion for her own safety. But she couldn’t do it. “On the way home from the doctor’s, I felt surrounded by a feeling of warmth and tenderness,” Jane says now. “I heard a message telling me that everything was going to be okay.”

“This message had the strength of conviction.”

“This message had the strength of conviction, the sureness that came from someplace else and not from the inside of my mind or my emotions,” Jane says. “That was the thing that made me have the son that I am in awe of at this point in my life.” Trusting the strength of this message, Jane carried the baby to term and gave birth to Brad without any complications.

The warm presence that Jane remembered returned to her now on the highway as soon as she turned to it. She felt reassured that somehow everything would be okay. “The message that was most forceful to me was, ‘Hey, you remember who was taking care of you every time you needed help?’” Jane says now. “This time I had begun to understand about trusting and following the Father.”

She contacted her daughter, who gave her temporary housing and helped Jane get back on her feet. She was eventually able to work three jobs to get a roof over her head. “When I found myself alone in my middle 50’s with a large gap in my resume where I had not held a job, I was frightened I would never land a job with a living wage,” Jane says. “I asked God to help me find a job. He went with me to every interview.”

“He is the loving Father that everyone is looking for.”

Over the next 2-1/2 years, Jane learned to turn to God and listen for His guidance. She did nothing except go to work and come home to spend time with God. “I would spend many evenings just laying in bed and listening,” Jane says now. “That is when I learned of the God of love. That is when I learned that you simply follow His guidance and follow His rules. He takes care of you! He is the loving Father that everyone is looking for.”

As Jane continued to pray and listen to God, a conviction grew in her that God is all-powerful and all-loving. She discovered she could lean on this divine Love and it would never steer her in the wrong direction. She could listen for the still, small voice told of in the Bible, to lead her to the spiritual plan and purpose for which she was created.

Jane’s believes her prayer helped her get her life back together. A move across the country led to a better job and salary as well as the opportunity to learn the computer skills she needed to launch her Web site.
Keep on trusting, and have faith.

Looking back Jane says now that the difficult lessons she learned in her life prepared her for the work she’s doing now on Spiritual Sisters. It’s her hope and purpose that everyone will find their own connection with God. Describing her Web site as a doorway for readers to explore their relationship with the one living God, Jane encourages others to keep on hoping, keep on trusting, and have faith that all experiences are purposeful and have a place in God’s plan.

“If there’s anything I can convey to people, it’s to get really connected to God and really know what He’s trying to tell me,” Jane says. “There is such security to be found in this God relationship.”

Gifts of the heart

Gift-giving in my family is huge. And so are the bills!

Finding and buying gifts for nine nieces and nephews, my parents and the rest of the family is never easy. But this year the pressure has been compounded by the end of my husband Scott's contracting job—just when our family was gearing up to start the ball rolling with Christmas e-lists.

Although Scott and I continued to meet expenses with our savings, my income and his part-time piano teaching and music directing, it's clear we aren't going to have much money left over to buy gifts.

How would it look if we showed up without any gifts? What if my family doesn't understand?

Truth to tell, I never felt comfortable about this yearly buying frenzy. It is so opposite to what I love about Christmas and its spiritual message of goodness and peace. This year, the stress and pressure of our current financial situation is only adding to my discomfort.

Where will we get the money? Why can't we all just cut down? This is getting out of hand!

Scott sympathized with my frustration, but reminded me that the meaning of Christmas was so much deeper than frantically picking out the perfect gifts.

"I don't like the idea of having to buy my way through Christmas," he said. "We could come up with our own gift ideas for each family member. They don't have to be expensive. This can be an opportunity for us to remember what Christmas is supposed to be about."

Scott was right. I started to pray. I knew from past experience that if I could just be quiet enough to listen to what God was telling me, I could find peace.

I thought about the story of Jesus' birth in the book of Luke in the Bible. The streets of Bethlehem, filled with people coming to pay their taxes, must have been as busy as today's shopping malls. The Bible tells us that all the area inns were packed. But out in the fields, there was peace as the shepherds watched expectantly with their sheep.

Mary's and Joseph's tender joy at the arrival of their newborn baby filled the manger with love. And although those who came to greet the child didn't have much, all who came felt the joy of God's promise of goodness and salvation. They brought something that was more precious than the most expensive gifts. They brought the love in their hearts.

That's it! I don't have to get caught up in consumer frenzy. I can feel God's promise of goodness and care with me, too. And I can bring gifts of the heart to our gathering.

My frustration started to melt as I felt this loving care. God is here with us, too, providing our needs, just as He was with Mary and Joseph that sacred evening.

I looked for more ideas in a book that's become a daily spiritual companion, Science and Health. I found this: "Whatever inspires with wisdom, Truth, or Love—be it song, sermon, or Science—blesses the human family with crumbs of comfort from Christ's table, feeding the hungry and giving living waters to the thirsty."

It occurred to me that God and the love He has for everyone inspires gifts given from the heart. Sharing this spiritual love won't deplete us, but will bless us. I can also appreciate the gifts of love that my family members will be giving. Not only the things they buy, but the rich diversity of talents and interests they share—photography, quilting, jewelry making, music, furniture-building and storytelling.

Pressure and frustration have given way to appreciation for my family. Scott and I started finding ideas for different gifts—mittens, fudge and even a tape of lullabies that we made ourselves. And we found that we were even able to buy some gifts without breaking the bank. More importantly, I now feel joy and excitement about making and buying the gifts. The heaven of Christmas and a warm feeling of God's love and care have replaced consumer stress.

I'm now looking forward to our yearly Christmas get-together. I'll enjoy reconnecting with the nieces and nephews and catching up on the daily lives of my brothers and sister and their families. But most of all, I'll enjoy sharing our gifts of the heart.

Gang threat arrested by a worker for peace

“Peace building starts in our hearts,” says Joni Overton-Jung. “It isn’t an external thing, it’s something we cultivate from the inside out.”

Joni is a spiritual healer and teacher who travels North America talking to audiences about how spirituality can bring peace to individual lives and to the world. Recently, spirituality.com talked with Joni by phone and asked her to share what she feels is at the heart of peace.

“I think there are some very practical things that can help us begin to discover the wealth of peace that’s at hand right now,” Joni says. First, she says, we should take time for stillness. We should listen to what’s going on within us and around us and listen for a higher, spiritual sense of guidance that is constant.

“That sense of stillness and listening within is the spiritual power of peace,” she says. “Because it’s spiritual, it’s always present and therefore we can learn how to draw on it and exercise it.”

Spiritual stillness includes anchoring ourselves in God.

According to Joni, spiritual stillness includes anchoring ourselves in God, which in turn helps us to feel peaceful and to bring peace to whatever we’re doing. Joni describes the Divine as a presence and power beyond the physical, which we can feel connected to and supported by. She points out we have a relationship with the all-mighty goodness of God. It’s understanding our relationship with God, Joni says, that gives us the incentive and inspiration of peace within ourselves and in every relationship with others. “Peace is at the heart of that relationship,” says Joni.
Another thing we can do, Joni says, is to exercise kindness to the people around us, and to ourselves. “There isn’t anything like kindness to move mountains of misunderstanding, of fear, of uncertainty, of resentment,” says Joni. She adds that we need to be willing to set aside any sort of judgment or self-righteousness, because these are toxic to peace.

She remembers fifteen years ago being stalked and harassed over several months by a gang member in inner-city Chicago. He would often stop her as she walked around the neighborhood and say nasty things. Afraid and feeling vulnerable, she tried to avoid him. But the problem continued.

“I thought if I hated him enough, I could silence him.”

Her fear turned to anger and hatred of this gang member. “I thought if I hated him enough, I could silence him,” says Joni.

The problem consumed her. Finally, Joni realized she was getting nowhere. It was just hardening her heart. Things had to change. She started to pray.

Her study of the Bible and Science and Health had taught her there is a divine command to love. “The command to love even those who hate you is a divine promise,” Joni says. “It indicates where true power lies, and points out it is through love that we truly discover who we are and are able to see others in a clearer light. Only through love is hatred, fear, mistrust, resentment truly released.”

In order to love her neighbor (this gang member) better, Joni realized she needed to change her own ways. First, she remembers, she tried to see things from his perspective—to understand what his life was like. And she tried to see him as God would see him—as a cherished child. She discovered that by looking at him from this perspective, she could see something to love behind the harassment and hatred.

“In that Love I was safe and so was he.”

“The reason I could love him was that I myself was already loved by an infinite all-loving God,” says Joni. “In that Love I was safe and so was he.”

She also realized he couldn’t determine her response to him. If she were anchored safely in divine Love, nothing but Love could have control over her thoughts. “He did not make me angry, nor could he make me afraid—that was all in how I decided to respond,” Joni says now.

“As my thought moved along these lines, I felt liberated and began to feel both compassion and a desire to see him through the eyes of God,” Joni says. And things changed. Not only did the harassment stop, but their relationship changed.

One day after the harassment stopped, he came up to Joni and asked what she had in her bag. “At that point, we had moved so far, and I wasn’t afraid of him,” Joni says now. She told him she had some magazines about spirituality and asked if he wanted one.

“You know Him.”

“He looked up at the sky and pointed and said, ‘You know Him.’” says Joni. “And I said, ‘Yes, and you do, too.’ From then on, we became friends and he looked out for me in the neighborhood.”

“We have the potential to transform our community with the radical peacemaking that is rooted in gentleness, kindness, compassion and understanding,” says Joni. “We can work for the good of all in everything we do. That’s at the heart of being peaceful, and that’s at the heart of peacemaking. Peace is not out there, folks! It begins with each one of us.”

Finding God despite troubled relationships

A teenager feeling abandoned after her parents' divorce.

A marriage growing apart.

When these difficult family problems surfaced, the two women I spoke with shared how they were compelled to learn more about their permanent connection to God. They talked about how prayer helped them find resolution and a feeling of peace within themselves.

The heart of life is our relationship with God.

For Theresa Bianchi, a Lutheran pastor, learning about divine Love has been a life-long journey of discovering more about her relationship with God. She says that getting to know herself as God's child was the first step in finding a sense of wholeness in her life. "I feel the heart of life is our relationship with God," Theresa said. "God is a God of love and of life and wishes the best for us."

Now married with a family of her own, she remembers how, at the age of 13, she felt abandoned and alone when her parents divorced. This experience was a turning point, because it was the catalyst that helped her discover God's love for her.

This period left her with questions. But Theresa persisted over the next two years in prayer. She says she had a continuing dialog with God, and the inspiration she gained began to assure her that God was with her and had never abandoned her.

No matter what happens, God loves me.

"Even though I knew in my head that God's love was there for me, I reached a point where I knew this in my heart," Theresa said. "This was a defining moment for me, because I was able to see that no matter what happens, God loves me. Understanding that we're God's children and that He loves us has become my grounding in life.
"I feel that trusting God's love gives us a sense of contentment about our life and whatever comes our way," Theresa concluded with a smile. "Because we know we're loved."

"There have been a lot of times where I have felt that there was something lacking in my life," said Mary Louise Boelhauf, a spiritual healer who bases her practice on the book featured on this site, Science and Health. "I would question my happiness. And I would generally consider myself a pretty happy person. But what I needed to discover is that I don't need to wait for someone else to do something for me to feel happy and complete."

Between work, church and community activities, both Mary Louise and her husband Paul lead extremely busy lives. Mary Louise remembers a time when Paul's job as a full-time accountant and involvement in an additional part-time business venture took up a lot of his time and often kept him away from home. Mary Louise felt that the two of them weren't connecting as a family and that she was missing out. This made her angry.

Being angry and miserable got her nowhere.

But she found that being angry and miserable got her nowhere. Mary Louise realized that the change had to come from within her and that she needed to find happiness from a deeper place. One idea from Science and Health helped her understand that she needed to stop being angry and start appreciating the good things God gives her each day: "Happiness is spiritual, born of Truth and Love." This helped her understand that God is the source of her happiness.

Mary Louise told me that as she thought more about this, she found that the goodness and peace she was looking for were already there, and that God had already given them to her.

"I saw an amazing change," said Mary Louise. "I was no longer angry and I was expressing more joy. My home became a happy one. And eventually, the nature of Paul's business changed and he didn't need to be away from home as often."

"I think this experience taught both of us that God's love is all around us," added Paul. "We can never be separated from God's love, or the joy and peace that comes into our lives when we learn more about this divine Love."

Feeling God's love, in spite of the divorce.

A happy marriage.

The results of finding God.

Family succeeds when left with a business

1997 was shaping up to be a good year for Joan and Churchill Miller. Their business, Associated Systems, a manufacturing representative for security and 2-way radio products, was thriving. After 25 years of hard work, they won an award for best sales of the year.

Then everything changed.

While on a trip in Florida, Churchill passed on suddenly. Joan was suddenly left with a business to run. She was stunned. Her life was thrown into uncertainty.

“I was feeling alone—like I had lost part of myself.”

“I was feeling alone—like I had lost part of myself.” said Joan. “For me, it wasn’t a question of whether I could go forward. It was a question of how.”

It was tough for Joan after Churchill passed on. She dealt with the grief by drawing on the support from friends and family and by her prayers to God. A friend had given her a tape of spiritual songs that really comforted her at the time and encouraged her to keep going.

But there was also the business to consider. Could she continue with the business alone? Would clients take her seriously without Churchill? Could she as a woman work successfully in a male-dominated field?

“I turned to God with all my heart,” Joan explained. “My prayer went something like this—‘Lord, let me go forward, doing what You want me to do. Let me go forward, not because I have to show that a woman can do it, but to show what You can do. Show me which way I should go.’”

Leaning on God for comfort and assurance gave her courage.

Joan explained that her mother had taught her at a young age to turn to God when she’s in trouble. Leaning on God for comfort and assurance, Joan said, gave her the courage to face all sorts of challenges while growing up.

Joan also found help from two books that she calls her “guidebooks for life”—the Bible and Science and Health. She was looking for support, comfort and direction.
“There were so many ideas that inspired me,” said Joan. “It seemed like each idea I read encouraged me to see that I didn’t have to have my husband with me to feel whole. I could exist on my own. I could discover more about who I am as God knows me. I could see myself as God’s representative in my life and in the business—complete and whole, not as someone who was missing something.”

“Neither of us have ever been quitters.”

Deborah Miller-Flanagan, Joan’s daughter, had already been working with Joan and Churchill in the office for ten years. Between her mom’s experience and her own interest in the work, Deborah felt confident that the two of them could continue to run the business successfully. “I knew that it would take hard work, but that we could make a go of it,” said Deborah. “Neither of us have ever been quitters.”
The first year was challenging, Deborah added. Since her dad had been listed as the principal owner, they needed to renegotiate contracts with all their customers. And since her dad was no longer with them, they had to piece together how situations had been previously handled.

Deborah and Joan recall their hardest challenge, which happened four years later. Friction was growing with their major client. This manufacturer felt that Associated Systems was not doing everything they could to sell their product. Deborah felt that the manufacturer was not giving good customer service. Sales were down and the company was losing market share. Things were coming to a head.

This meant they would lose 40 percent of their income.

Finally, at a meeting with the manufacturer, Deborah and Joan decided to stop working with them. This meant they would lose 40 percent of their income.

“Although we felt it was the right decision, we were scared,” said Deborah. She didn’t know if they would be able to make it through. Deborah was worried that they’d lose not only their business but their homes as well. Although she believes in God, she doesn’t consider herself religious. But she found herself praying. “If someone is up there,” Deborah prayed, “we need better direction.”

Joan had seen highs and lows in the business before. But this time things looked really bad. How could they go forward this time? Joan explained that she just needed to be quiet and see that God was in charge of things. “I knew from past experience that I could trust God to provide the answers. I had this strong feeling that God would take care of us,” Joan explained. “I knew that we wouldn’t starve. He took care of us yesterday and will take care of us tomorrow.”

“God is an open fountain of good to everyone who comes to draw.”

One idea Joan kept coming back to was from Science and Health: “To those leaning on the sustaining Infinite, today is big with blessings.” “God is an open fountain of good to everyone who comes to draw,” Joan added. “And we were there with our buckets to draw!”

Deborah started to see solutions happen that she couldn’t deny were fueled by prayer. When there were times that it looked like they wouldn’t be able to pay the bills, for example, they would receive a check they weren’t expecting, or a check would arrive for a higher amount than they asked. Some clients who had been affiliated with the manufacturer that split from them wrote letters of support, and others started to do business directly with Associated Systems. Bit by bit they were able to gain back most of the business they had lost.

To Deborah this was a testament to the fact that God was taking care of them. “These experiences kept showing me that we are receiving guidance from above,” she said. “It’s a part of our lives. It’s there all the time.”

Extend a hand, transform a life

Random acts of kindness. Going out of your way to care for others. These things transform people, says Phil Stack, a retired psychologist and author of the book I Am a Good Person.

Phil, himself a modern-day good Samaritan (see link to Bible story below), has made doing good for others his life passion. In a phone conversation, Phil talked with me about his journey toward discovering the power of goodness and his desire to encourage others to make goodness their life passion, too.

His inspiration for doing good, Phil says, comes from the Holy Spirit, the universal goodness that pervades the whole universe. “God is all good,” says Phil. “Goodness flows from God. It’s a stream into a world with a need.” He adds that he believes this goodness is a natural part of each one of us.

Phil looks for an opportunity each day to make a difference in someone’s life—in small or big ways—whether it’s thanking the woman at the airline ticket counter or chatting with someone in a restaurant who looks lonely.

What he said reminded me of a small incident in my own life. I felt afraid, weighed down, depressed and even angry about the tension at my work. Racing from the office one day to find a quiet spot to eat, I wasn’t really looking where I was going. The next thing I knew, I tripped over an uneven part of the sidewalk and hit the ground with a thud.

On the ground on my hands and knees, I was feeling embarrassed and stunned, and tried to collect my thoughts. A man walked by, and seeing me, turned around and came back. He gave me his hand, pulled me up and walked with me a few steps as I dusted myself off. After I assured him I was fine, he gave me a quick hug and left.
I felt cared for, loved, transformed.

I was amazed by this man’s kindness and love. It was all I could think about for the rest of my lunch hour. And I noticed I was no longer thinking about the tension in the office. I felt cared for, loved, transformed. All the concerns I had were out the window, replaced by the memory of a stranger who took a minute to show me he cared.

Phil believes in the power of this kind of caring. His own desire to help others started when he was growing up in Eastern Pennsylvania during the Depression. Phil remembers his mother picking vegetables from their garden. By the time she got home, Phil says now, all the produce would be gone because she shared it with everyone she met.

“I was most impressed with God’s working to direct my life.”

Phil’s family was religious, but he admits his trust in God and in things spiritual came slowly to him. As he got older, spirituality started to take on more meaning as he discovered how he could pray more specifically and feel God’s guidance in his life. His conviction grew that God is all good and created man to do and to be good. “It was all very gradual,” says Phil. “I was most impressed with God’s working to direct my life.”

Prayer and Bible study became a daily part of Phil’s life. He says he is particularly inspired by the life and example of Christ Jesus and Jesus’ instruction to love your neighbor. Seeking to follow this example, Phil starts off his mornings with prayers to God and listens for ideas he can accomplish for the day. “I’m like a little bug with an antenna,” Phil muses. “Where am I going to be called? And then I pray that when I am called, I don’t miss my opportunity.”

Retired from his job, Phil found time to volunteer for a hospice, visiting patients in a nursing home. When he started his volunteer work, Phil longed to do something more for the patients to help them find peace in their lives. He prayed for the answer. Soon he was making greeting cards with special messages. “I send a couple hundred of these out whenever I hear that a person is in hospice care,” Phil says.
It wasn’t just enough for him to do good.

Phil explains that as he has grown in his understanding of God, so have his acts of doing good. But he felt it wasn’t just enough for him to do good. He wanted to celebrate it and include others aware of it. He started to write down his stories and the lessons they were teaching him. The result was his book I Am a Good Person. “Goodness, which is in the nature of God, flows through humans with purpose and good will so that pain and suffering may be transformed into peace and harmony,” Phil writes.

After talking with Phil, I felt I could also look for ways to help others, the way the stranger helped me the day I tripped on the sidewalk.

I remembered a woman named Margaret whom I used to take to church, but hadn’t contacted in a while. Learning she was in the hospital, I went to visit her with fresh roses from my garden. It was a sweet time for both of us as we sat and talked together. Margaret listened eagerly to my stories and made me laugh as she shared her own.

I heard later how much this little visit meant to her and how much she enjoyed my gift of roses. I cherished the time to set aside my own worries, concerns and to-do list to be reminded by this woman of what’s really important in life—to slow down and appreciate the good things we each bring to this world.

I’ll always remember Phil telling me that when we do good for others, we’re turning on the faucet to let God’s goodness flow to each one of us.

Thanks, Phil.

Dear New York

Sept. 11, 2001

Dear New York:

As the events of the day were broadcast on the news, my heart went out to all of you. I longed to respond in a way that would help and comfort.

As I was thinking about the tragedy, my phone rang. It was my mother telling me that my sister, who works close to the World Trade Center had been evacuated to another floor and could not be reached. Her building had been rocked by the impact of the planes crashing into the World Trade Center. No one knew when those in her building would be allowed out and we learned that the City was sealed. Before hanging up, my mother said reassuringly, "Her building is built like a fortress."

God is our fortress.

Her comment gave me an idea about how to pray. I thought about God and His protecting presence. God is our fortress, our refuge, our very sanctuary in which we can feel safe. I prayed to acknowledge that my sister and all her coworkers were at this moment safe and cared for in God's spiritual fortress. That nothing could invade the power, the love, the protection or the peace of God all around her. That she and her coworkers have a refuge that could not be damaged or touched.

At the time I was praying, I was also busy preparing for a church service that I would be leading the next evening. I was finding comforting ideas in the Bible as I read about the protection that the prophets found through their trust in God in the face of threats. For example, there was Elisha. In the face of a threatening army he was not afraid. He assured his servant, "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them." The Bible further goes on to say that the servant saw that "the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha"—he was surrounded by the protecting power of God and His angels.

I see you safe and secure.

This is my prayer for you, New York. That no amount of evil, no matter how threatening, can invade the refuge and protection that God has for you. I see you safe and secure in God's tender sanctuary, and nothing can remove you from it.

Much love always, from a lifelong friend.

Update: It took her four hours, but my sister finally made her way home.

Cubicle Sweet Cubicle

I saw those words on a plaque in the Hallmark store. But my cubicle felt anything BUT sweet. In fact, I was in cubicle hell.

For several months, I had a quiet, comfortable workspace with only a few people around. No one disturbed me. It felt peaceful and private. Then suddenly my coworkers and I were relocated to the middle of a very vibrant and busy call center.

You’ll just have to adjust.

Our pleas to move to a quieter locale fell on deaf ears. We’re sorry, we were told. There’s no space to relocate you. You’ll just have to adjust.

I thought, Excuse me; I’m a WRITER for a correspondence department. I need space, quiet and privacy! My customers need thoughtful answers to their questions. How can I get anything accomplished when I can’t even hear myself THINK?

Since the early 1990s, businesses and corporations have transformed their working environments from private offices to large rooms without walls. Proponents of the open-office concept claim that this office environment leads to greater teamwork and more communication among workers.

But according to TIME magazine’s article, “My Kingdom for a Door,” (October 23, 2000) in many cases it has done the opposite. Some workers have experienced decreased productivity and increased stress. An increasing chorus of complaints by employees indicates increased friction between workers, a lack of privacy, and an inability to concentrate due to disturbances by others’ conversations. I wasn’t alone in my grumbling.

The conversations around me were so loud.

I tried to shut out the noise by playing music and wearing headphones. But the conversations around me were so loud I could hardly hear the music. On top of this, I was coming home with headaches because of the noise.

A friend I complained to about the situation was sympathetic. But she also assured me that I could find my peace right where I was. I could get to the point where I don’t even hear the noise mentally. I did not need to be disturbed.

I was frustrated by her answer. It sounded like she was saying I would get used to it.

So, more complaining. How can I get to the point where the noise around me will no longer disturb me? Headphones, music and even “toughing it out” just haven’t worked. Can’t we just move?

I wanted to find some peace from my frustration.

The alternatives I’d already tried weren’t working. And I wanted to find some peace from my frustration.

At home, after a particularly challenging and jarring day of work, I looked for some help in two books that I read regularly—the Bible and Science and Health. They always give me ideas when I’m in a pinch.

One idea from the Bible that intrigued me was this: “Come thou and all thy house into the ark.”

I recognized this verse as part of the Noah story. He’d been instructed by God to build an ark to protect himself, his family and two of each kind of animal, from a flood that would destroy the earth. God instructed them to go onto the ark to stay safe.

The ark was airtight. The chaos and turmoil of the storm didn’t touch them.
I pictured the scene. With all those animals and people, there must not have been one spare corner where man or beast could retreat for some privacy and quiet. And yet, the chaos and turmoil were outside with the storm, while those inside the ark were safe and at peace—even if it was noisy. The ark was airtight. The chaos and turmoil of the storm didn’t touch them.

As I was thinking about the safety and peace inside this ark, I heard a gentle thought which felt like God’s message to me: “I am just as able today as I was then to bring you into My ark. Come into My home. It’s peaceful, quiet, and calm. My peace and harmony are with you, right in the midst of all the noise and activity. You and all your coworkers can share the quietness that My home offers. This can be your home, too.”

God’s ark has plenty of room for everyone.

I felt my thought shift from frustration to relief. God is everywhere! I thought. I am already in the peaceful atmosphere of His home. I am surrounded by His loving presence, which shuts out the storm of noise and tumult. I can work in quietness and peace right in the middle of this busy call center and see my coworkers enveloped in this peaceful atmosphere as well. God’s ark has plenty of room for everyone.

Back at work, the number of calls and the noise level did not diminish, but I felt much more peaceful. Over the next few weeks, the noise disturbed me less and less, until I actually began to have days when I wouldn’t notice the noise at all. I was no longer coming home with headaches. And, although our group was not moved, some of our call center staff was, which helped relieve the crowding for both our groups.
My cubicle is feeling sweeter now. There are still times when I do notice the noise, but I’m no longer as disturbed by it. And I’m grateful for the gentle reminder that I can find my spiritual peace and can live and work in “cubicle heaven”—God’s ark—no matter where I am.

Can You hear me?

Have you seen this commercial on TV? A man is testing the reception of his cell phone. He goes to far-off places to make sure he can still be heard clearly. He asks, "Can you hear me okay?" With each test, he finds that his voice is still coming in loud and clear.

This reminded me of a period several months ago when I found myself feeling very depressed. I was weepy and very sad—like I was in mourning—and I just couldn't get past it. In fact, I felt imprisoned by it, in a vacuum. I also struggled with self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence. Was I really needed? Was anything I did good enough?

Although I found it hard to pray or feel inspired, I kept listening for God's messages and continued to try to feel the love from God that has been there for me in the past. I often lay awake trying to find an idea that would give me some peace. This mental wrestling was an up and down battle for me. The cloud of sadness would lift only to return again. I was grateful for the encouragement I received from friends who, like me, turn to God to find healing when they have problems. They encouraged me to continue leaning on God's care for me, and that even though I couldn't feel it, they assured me that God was still with me nevertheless. I also turned to two books I study regularly, the Bible and Science and Health, to learn more about God's love.

"…this seeming vacuum is already filled with divine Love."

This had been going on for about three weeks, and the problem persisted. I was starting to become alarmed. But I was determined to find a way out.

One sleepless night, I thought of this phrase from Science and Health: "…this seeming vacuum is already filled with divine Love" (see link below). This reminded me of what my friends had said—that God's love could be felt everywhere, and that instead of feeling I was in a vacuum, I could feel surrounded by His love. I could trust that through all this wrestling God was right there with me, leading me out of this pit. And this reassuring thought gently came to me: "I am right here with you, taking care of you. And I truly love you."

I felt a shift in my thinking as this tender assurance of God's care enveloped me. I started to realize why I'm not a prisoner of darkness or gloom. I live in the light of God's love, and with this love comes the fullness of God's joy, which never fades. The idea also struck me that God created me to glorify Him. Therefore, He's already delighted with me and I cannot disappoint Him. Since God loves me, I can't fall short of His love for me, and I don't have to spend my life trying to gain His approval—or anyone else's.

I went back to sleep and had the most restful night that I had had in a long while. That was my last night of wrestling. The next day, I found that my sadness was replaced by joy. I simply felt loved, and that feeling stayed with me.

Now, when I find myself wondering if God can hear me, I remember this experience. I know that when I find myself asking, "Can You hear me okay, God?" I can expect to feel God's love and to hear His answer: "Yes. I'm right here, and I can hear you just fine. And I know that you can hear Me, too."

Traveling safely

As someone who loves to travel, I'm very aware of the safety tips recommended by different travel guides. But in addition to these safety tips, I've found that spiritual thinking can be a strong defense.

When I'm traveling, I spend a lot of time praying. I like to remember that God is accompanying me all the time. I think of God as my divine Guardian, who watches over me and surrounds me with the protection I need.

Many years ago, as an exchange student in Germany, I was on a train at New Year's time. The train was crowded, and every six-seater compartment was filled with people. The compartments were like separate rooms, each with their own door that passengers could shut for a quieter ride.

To my surprise, I found an empty compartment and happily took a seat, thinking perhaps that other people would be coming to take the remaining seats. However, only one other person, a teenager, joined me.

He started to act strangely.

Soon the teenager started to act strangely. He was muttering and started closing the curtains on the door. He also showed me a handmade necklace and seemed very keen on having me try it on.

I simply froze. I didn't see any conductors in our section of the train, so I couldn't ask for help. And even though I knew it probably would be common sense to grab my bag and leave, I wasn't sure I'd find another seat on the crowded train. Besides, how would I get past him? He was by the door.

As I wondered what to do next, I found myself starting to pray. I remembered again that God is always with me. The divine presence is all-powerful, so it protects me from harm. No attack, no threat nor danger could do anything to change the goodness that surrounds all of us -- including my fellow traveler.

I was not afraid.

I was continuing to think about these things when I stood up and turned around to retrieve something from my bag. At this point, the teenager grabbed me from behind. He was pointing a knife at me, and with his other hand he started to touch me in a way that made me think his intention was rape. However, to my own stunned surprise, I was not afraid. I felt calm and at peace, because I knew that the things I had just been thinking about were not idle thoughts. These were ideas from God.

I felt that God was talking with me and assuring me that all was well. I felt like I was surrounded by angels and God's protecting presence. I also knew that even though I had not been trained in self-defense, I could trust that God would show me what to do.

I grabbed the teenager's arm and pushed the knife away. Then I quietly and firmly said, "No." He let me go and left the compartment. I looked down the corridor and noticed that further down some conductors stopped him and talked to him. Soon after, when the train reached its next stop, he left the train (it looked like the conductors had asked him to do so).

This experience has not diminished my love for travel in any way. I have continued to feel safe traveling by subway, train, plane and car. I feel safe because I know I can turn to God for help, guidance and protection. I've learned that I don't need to feel helpless in the face of danger.

No matter what the situation, there is a protecting presence at hand to help and to guide out of dangerous circumstances.

After the fire, the building begins

In 2003, wildfires in Southern California destroyed 3,600 homes and over 700,000 acres. Now, in the aftermath, several thousand people who lost everything in the fire are faced with rebuilding their homes and their lives.

Jack Lindsey and his sons Dave and Dan still remember the fire that destroyed their home in 1971. On a Friday morning in September, a fire had been reported in San Fernando Valley—30 miles away from the Lindseys’ Malibu home on the beach. Jack remembers that the day was no different than any other day—Jack was at work, his son Dave, a high-school freshman, was at school, and his first wife Jean was preparing to pick up friends of theirs who would be visiting from San Francisco for the weekend. Because the fire was so far away, no one was particularly concerned.

As the day progressed, the fires got worse.

However, as the day progressed, the fires got worse. That afternoon the fire crested over the foothills and headed toward the ocean. Dave, who could not get home after school, spent the night at a friend’s house so he could attend a school dance. Jean, with dog in tow, left home to meet Jack and her friends at the Los Angeles airport. Blocked from returning home, Jack, Jean, the dog and their friends decided to spend the night in a hotel and proceed with their weekend plans to attend an all-day spiritual conference in town.

It wasn’t until the next day after the conference that Jack, Jean and Dave got through the police lines to see if everything was all right. They were shocked by what they saw. The stubs of telephone poles burned into the ground were the only things left of the family’s house and garage.

“All you could see was the horizon.”

“Coming around the corner, all you could see was the horizon,” says Dave now. “It was a sinking feeling. Slowly but surely I realized that we had nothing but the clothes on our back and that we lost everything we ever accumulated.”

“My initial reaction was that I thought the view of the ocean is a lot better without the house,” says Jack. “Everything was gone. I was wondering, okay, now what do we do?”

Jack thought about the spiritual ideas that were shared in the conference he attended the day before. They had talked about God’s protecting presence and loving care in all situations. As he looked around and saw that his whole family, including the dog, was safe, he felt grateful. God had protected them. His family had always seen God as a caring, loving Presence in their lives, Jack explains, and they knew they could depend on Him to carry them through this situation.

“We could trust God. He protected us and He would take care of us.”

“I thought about how we could not be separated from God’s goodness, love, safety, support and care,” says Jack. “We could trust God. He protected us and He would take care of us. He’d continue to guide us. We’d know what to do.”

Dan, a college freshman attending school in Illinois, joined the family the following day. He remembers how his family’s support comforted and strengthened him.
“My dad was really supportive and told us that God would give us the answers,” says Dan. “He assured us that we would find a place to live. I never remember this being an issue of worry because of my dad’s prayer.”

Dan remembers that the family resolved not to dwell on the tragedy, but to move forward one step at a time. After they settled in at a hotel the first night after the fire, they contacted friends and family to let them know they were all fine. They also put up a sign where their house used to be.

“We plan to rebuild.”

“The sign said, ‘We’re all okay. We’ve all been protected, including the dog. We plan to rebuild,’” says Dan. “Here, in the midst of this devastation, when you were driving by, there was something that was happy.”

Over the next couple days, friends helped them in many ways. One friend offered a house that they had put on the market to sell. Jack’s family could stay there until they were able to work things out.

The rebuilding begins

Once settled into their friend’s house, the real task of rebuilding began. Over 18 months, the family worked with an architect to redesign the home and build it. Insurance and equity covered the costs of construction and paid off their mortgage from the previous house. But there was no money left over to replace the furnishings and other things they had lost. The fire had wiped them out financially.

He continued to encourage his family to look forward.

Jack was determined that this was not going to discourage him or his family. He continued to encourage his family to look forward, not back.

“God wouldn’t take us part way,” he told them. “He isn’t going to move us into a shack or a lean-to. God’s home for us is complete. It would be harmonious, beautiful and useful.”

A story in the Bible about the prophet Jeremiah encouraged Jack. At God’s command, Jeremiah had recorded the word of God on several scrolls. However, the king objected to the ideas and burned all the scrolls. Undeterred, Jeremiah reconstructed the ideas and even added more.

“It hit me that that’s the case with our home,” Jack recalls. “It’s an idea that God gives—a spiritual concept of God’s care for us. This idea cannot be destroyed. God’s care will be provided again.”

“They felt that if we could do it, they could do it.”

Jack adds that their determination to rebuild right away also encouraged their neighbors. “We would tell them about the progress we were making and it encouraged them to move forward,” Jack says. “They felt that if we could do it, they could do it.”

With careful budgeting, the family was slowly able to replace things they had lost. They bought things as they needed them. At first it was a few changes of clothes. When they moved into their newly rebuilt home a year and a half later, they were gradually able to replace furniture and other items. And over a period of several years, Jack says, he was even able to collect photos, articles and letters from relatives to allow him to reconstruct new memory books for his sons.

At first, the house seemed empty with no furniture. But it showed Jack how much people accumulate over the years.

“You get rid of all your material idols.”

“Driving around, you see cars are parked in the driveway and not in the garage because people accumulate so much stuff,” he says now. “And we had had a lot of stuff in our garage. We called it our ‘material idols.’ One thing about your house burning down is that you get rid of all your material idols. We would say to each other, ‘Look, we’ve got a complete garage! Look at all the space!’”

Jack added that he often found encouragement from a sentence from Science and Health, a book he studies regularly: “Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true, and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts.” “Anytime something came up, we would think of that,” says Jack.

“We could hang onto what was already ours that couldn’t be destroyed.”

This sentence encouraged them when even a year and a half later they found themselves looking for things that were no longer there. “We would realize that it was lost in the fire,” says Jack. “But we also realized that we could hang onto what was already ours that couldn’t be destroyed, rather than dwelling on something that was gone.”

Looking back, Dave says he learned the material things they lost could be replaced. But what meant more to him was seeing the important things in life that were not destroyed—their lives and each other.

“It’s devastating at first, but then you can look back and see that the real important things came through it. This is what gave me strength,” says Dave. “There’s hope that things will be okay and that everything else has a way of working itself out. You can move on.”

Africa's Mano River: Prayer in action for a war-torn region

In 1989, the Liberian government was taken over by Charles Taylor and his rebel group, the National Patriotic Front, ousting then dictator Samuel Doe. The takeover launched 14 years of instability in Liberia and fighting between rebel factions. Widespread human rights abuses and fighting forced men, women and children from their homes and killed countless others.

Geraldine Kaba was one of the thousands of refugees who fled Liberia in the 1990s to escape the fighting. Three years ago, she and other Liberian refugees formed the Mano River Relief Network to help others in the war-torn Mano River region of Liberia, Guinea and Sierra-Leone. The network now has chapters around the US and provides aid to Africa through capacity-building workshops, family reunification programs and relief supply programs.

Their goal is more than just providing temporary relief.

Geraldine says their goal is more than just providing temporary relief. They want to give people skills to make their lives better.

“In our own little way we’ve tried to meet some of the needs,” she says. The group brainstorms innovative solutions, such as providing computers and classes or providing sewing machines so people can make school uniforms. They are also working with refugees outside Liberia to bring them home.

For Geraldine, prayer plays a significant role in the work they do. Last year in July, her organization sent emails to their members asking them to pray during the week of July 26. This day, Geraldine explained, is usually Liberia’s independence day—a day of celebration. But because conflict was heightened at that time, people were instead encouraged to give up a meal and pray.

“Believe me, after that one week, we had so much,” Geraldine says now. She points to the events that followed soon after—US President Bush’s pressure on Taylor to step down, Taylor’s eventual exile and the peace accord signed by the Liberian government and rebels four weeks later. “In our minds, that week of fasting and praying was a sign from God that our prayers were answered,” says Geraldine.

“I incorporate prayer in every aspect of my life.”

Prayer plays a big part in Geraldine’s own life as well. She believes that the Higher Power, divine Love, is looking out for her and guiding her. For Geraldine, God is an omnipotent divine Protector. She prays to this divine Being whenever the feeling impels her. “I incorporate prayer in every aspect of my life,” she says. “I’ve always relied on prayer to get me through hard times.”

In her humanitarian trips to the Mano River region, Geraldine says people are depending on and turning to prayer constantly. “Prayer is fundamental to how these people are surviving this conflict,” she says. “That’s the only thing you can hold onto. It’s a very spiritual country now.”

There are countless stories of how people have seen their prayers answered, Geraldine explains. One after another could tell stories of how they found protection or have been kept alive under the worst conditions. One woman, Deborah, was trapped in her home with her daughter, son-in-law and their five children. Soldiers looking for members of a warring tribe had been told they could find them in this home. The soldiers had a container of gasoline and were throwing it all over the place.

“They were all praying that they wouldn’t get burned.”

Deborah and her family huddled under the bed. “They were all praying that they wouldn’t get burned,” Geraldine says now. “Deborah prayed in her heart because she couldn’t say the words out loud.”

They watched as the soldier looked for the matches. They could see the imprint of the matchbook in his pants pocket. But the soldier could not find them. He finally left without starting a fire.

On her trip to Liberia over New Year’s Eve 2003, Geraldine saw improving conditions and a glimmer of hope. “People go to church from 10 to midnight on New Year’s Eve,” she says. “It’s called Watchlight. The entire city shuts down.”

Everywhere she went, people gathered in every corner and building to thank God for being able to gather in peace. “Each space you could find had people gathering there, praying, singing, magnifying and rejoicing that they lived to see 2004,” she says.

“I sat there and looked, and it was something to behold.”

She remembered stopping at one particular church gathering. In the middle of a devastated city, this church was freshly painted and lit up. “I stood there amazed,” says Geraldine. “Tears came to my eyes. It was built. They had painted it. I sat there and looked, and it was something to behold.”

Though heartened by the progress made in her country, Geraldine says there’s plenty more to do to improve conditions there. But she cherishes a strong trust in God’s guidance and provision to help with their work.

“We want to let the world know about the plight of the situation and the refugees outside and how prayers are helping them to cope with their plight,” she says. “It’s heart wrenching, but prayers will take care of it. God will understand. He will take care it.”

A young mother quits smoking for good

A television commercial by the New Hampshire Tobacco Prevention Program shows a man enthusiastically climbing a very steep hill. “I can do it! I can do it!” he yells. Then suddenly, he slides back down the hill sighing, “I CAN’T do it.” He’s so frustrated he wants to give up. He feels like he’ll never quit smoking.

Patti May Cangiano is a spiritual healer who helps people through prayer and talks to audiences about the ideas in the book, Science and Health. She remembers when she felt like this man 28 years ago. “I felt like Mark Twain, when he said, ‘It is easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it hundreds of times!’” said Patti May.

She kept smoking to keep up the appearance of being cool.

Patti May started smoking in high school. She was feeling unsure of herself and wanted to fit in with the other kids. Although she doesn’t remember becoming popular, she kept smoking to keep up the appearance of being cool.

Five years later, as a working mother in her twenties with two children, Patti May was still smoking to help her handle the stress and emptiness she was feeling in her life. Although she loved being married and being a mother, she constantly worried about spending enough time with the children, family finances and doing a good job at work. She also had nagging questions about life and about God.

The cigarettes helped calm her temporarily, but her feelings of stress and emptiness would return. Patti May felt tired of smoking. She wanted to quit.

She tried the cold-turkey approach to quitting several times. But every time she would have bad withdrawal symptoms—over-sensitivity, irritability and emotionalism. She would give up after a few days and start smoking again.

Chances are small that a smoker will be able to stop permanently.

Research indicates that most smokers will try to stop smoking several times during their lifetime. Ninety-five out of 100 smokers who try to stop smoking will begin smoking again within a year. And without support and help, chances are small that a smoker will be able to stop permanently.

Patti May was reading books about spirituality and positive thinking, anything she could find to help her stop smoking and find the peace and comfort she was longing for. “I must have collected about 50 books,” said Patti May. But the books either didn’t go deep enough in their explanations or they would present conflicting ideas.
She felt frustrated, but kept trying. A book on positive thinking gave her hope. “I thought maybe I could quit smoking if I could stay strong and positive,” said Patti May. But the withdrawal symptoms were overwhelming and she again found herself struggling.

“I had to stop the car and buy cigarettes for her.”

Tony Cangiano, Patti May’s husband, remembered her withdrawal symptoms. One time, two weeks after she had stopped smoking, they were taking a trip across country from their home in Pennsylvania to Chicago. Tony remembers that Patti May was really stressed out during the trip. She was very depressed and crying. “It was really bad,” Tony said. “I had to stop the car and buy cigarettes for her.”

Patti May had had it. When she got home from her trip, she threw away her books. “I figured that no one had any answers for me,” said Patti May. “I vowed never to read another book on spirituality. I thought I was just going to smoke forever and I told myself I didn’t care.”

Three days later, Patti May found herself chatting with a customer at work. She started telling him about her frustration with smoking and how she had just given up trying to stop.

“He told me that he used to have similar problems and was now free and at peace,” said Patti May. “I remember wishing I could feel like that but figured it was impossible.”

“I thought, oh great. Another book!”

He had a copy of Science and Health with him, and he handed it to Patti May. He told her that this book had helped him. It was the last thing Patti May wanted to see. “I thought, oh great. Another book!” laughed Patti May. “But I figured I’d read it to be nice. I could look for something that I disagreed with and then have reason to throw it away. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

When she got home she started skimming through the book. A week later she still hadn’t found anything in it that she disagreed with. Unlike the other books she had read, this one told her that God is good and that good is the only power in her life.
“This was a huge revelation for me,” said Patti May. She felt that with good as all power, she could be freed from struggling with the addiction—that there is a law of God governing her that is more powerful than any addiction to cigarettes.

“I didn’t need cigarettes to fix the emptiness I felt.”

Over the next few weeks, Patti May kept reading Science and Health. She couldn’t stop thinking about the ideas in this book. They were starting to make sense and were answering her questions about God. “I had always felt like God was over there and I was here,” said Patti May. “But now I was starting to feel like God was with me and loving me. This Love was filling my soul. I didn’t need cigarettes to fix the emptiness I felt.”

Patti May also started seeing herself differently—as someone who is beautiful and innocent. She felt nurtured and loved. Emptiness and stress were being replaced by a feeling of peace. She didn’t need the cigarettes anymore. She lost the desire to smoke—this time for good, without withdrawal symptoms.

“This book told me that I am purely spiritual and good.”

“This book told me that I am purely spiritual and good,” said Patti May. “I felt this purity about myself deep down. It meant so much to me to see myself as uncontaminated and innocent. It was so wonderful to feel so beautiful that I didn’t want to do anything to ruin it.”

Tony was amazed at the changes he saw. “At first when she told me she was reading this book, I thought it was a load of nonsense,” said Tony. “But I was amazed at the changes I saw in her. This book completely changed her. She was easier to get along with and was no longer irritable.”

“After a while I couldn’t argue against it,” Tony continued. “I was so impressed I started reading Science and Health myself.”

A spiritual cure for asthma heals a whole family

Today, you’d have to run to keep up with 8-year-old Jemma Tonkin-Michell. When she’s not busy as a classroom representative, she’s singing, playing soccer with her friends, jumping on her trampoline. According to her mother, Deidre, she’s bursting with life and energy. You would never know that eight years ago, Jemma had trouble breathing.

In February 1996, 8-month-old Jemma suffered from frequent colds and coughing. Each cold would trigger an asthmatic attack. Both Deidre and her husband Tony felt helpless. Not having dealt with asthma before, they didn’t know what to do. They feared for Jemma’s life. “When one of your children is struggling, it’s frightening,” said Tony.

Jeannette, director at the Tillbrook Child Care Center, remembers Jemma’s problems with asthma over a 12-month period, particularly in the winter. Jeannette’s medical background made her concerned about her student’s constant coughing and susceptibility to colds, she explains now.

Deidre and Tony took Jemma to a medical clinic. Medical records indicate she had signs of early asthma.

At first, she started to improve.

The doctor’s recommended treatment required Jemma to put on a facemask, which upset her. Every time Tony or Deidre tried to give her this treatment, Jemma would resist. “She really hated it,” says Deidre. It was an ordeal for the entire family.
Jemma became a frequent visitor to the doctor over the following six months. At first, she started to improve. But gradually, Deidre noticed the treatment was no longer helping. The asthma persisted. When the doctor suggested a treatment of steroids, Deidre decided there had to be another way. As frightening as this condition was, Deidre explains, she was even more frightened about the reputed side effects of steroids.

Deidre was starting to think about spirituality and prayer.

During this time, Deidre was starting to think about spirituality and prayer. Six years earlier, her husband had given her a copy of Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy. Deidre would occasionally read this book and it brought her comfort. Science and Health told her about a God who was wholly good, rather than wrathful and punishing.

Up until this latest diagnosis, however, Deidre hadn’t thought much about using the ideas in Science and Health to help Jemma. But she longed to find a treatment that would work. She remembered hearing that spiritual ideas could bring healing. Deidre decided to turn to God in prayer. “It was so obvious that the medical treatment was so bad for Jemma that I had no choice but to trust God,” says Deidre.

Tony was also soul-searching. Having lost interest in the religion of his youth, Tony felt he was spiritually in a no man’s land. He remembers when he and Deidre would debate about what to do next for Jemma. Although he could see the medical treatment wasn’t working, Tony explains, he still felt afraid to stop it. He often felt caught between his own desire to pray and his fear for Jemma’s health. But Deidre was convinced trusting God could bring healing.

“This was the only solution left.”

“I was sitting on one side of the fence and Deidre was sitting on the other,” said Tony. “She pointed out the medical treatment wasn’t doing any good and this was the only solution left.” Because of Deidre’s firmness that prayer could work, Tony decided to support the decision to use prayer for healing.

Science and Health now became a constant companion for Deidre. The ideas in the book were teaching her little by little that she didn’t have to be afraid. She could trust her child’s care to God. “I had heard before that God was wholly good but had trouble believing it,” Deidre says. “Now I was learning to believe that God and God's will are entirely good. Science and Health was telling me that I could release Jemma to God’s care instead of having her bound by my own fears for her safety. I could trust that she has her own relationship with God.”

“I was learning about God as being the only Parent and totally benevolent,” Deidre continues. “God only wanted the very best for all of us.”

Spurred on by Deidre’s enthusiasm and his own desire to relieve Jemma of distress, Tony also returned to reading Science and Health along with the Bible. He had known about Science and Health growing up but drifted away from it. “I was moving backwards and forwards [in my spiritual study],” said Tony. He felt reassured by Deidre’s prayers and the ideas he was starting to learn in his own spiritual study. These ideas were telling him that God was in control of Jemma’s health.

Jemma had a divine right to be well.

Tony began to feel more confident that Jemma had a divine right to be well. He could look at Jemma’s God-given beauty, intelligence and completeness, he explained, and see her as God created her—spiritually perfect.

Deidre and Tony felt encouraged that their prayers were working when Jemma’s symptoms gradually started to abate. “As I began to experience for myself what the author of Science and Health explains, I could say that she was right and that would allow me to put more trust in God,” says Deidre. “I would see the symptoms go and that would encourage me to pray more. I could see that it did make a difference.”

There were still days from time to time when Jemma’s asthma kept her home from the child care center. But day care director Jeanette explains she and the staff supported Tony’s and Deidre’s strong stand for prayer. Jeannette encouraged her staff to have a positive attitude and confidence that everything would be all right on those days when Jemma wasn’t feeling well. Even though the parents weren’t giving Jemma any medicine, Jeanette says, she saw the symptoms gradually lessen over the months. Jeanette also felt reassured things would be all right for Jemma. “Jemma’s parents believed in strong prayer and having a positive attitude,” said Jeannette. “Believe it or not, it worked!”

There is a notation saying, “Happy and well.”

One year later, Jemma’s asthma symptoms finally disappeared for good. A visit back to the doctor in February 1997, indicated no further problem with asthma. On her medical chart, there is a notation saying, “Happy and well.”

Jemma’s healing had a profound effect on Tony. He is still amazed the condition never returned. “In Australia, this condition is something you’re expected to have for the rest of your life,” he says.

Tony is now studying Science and Health on his own in search of inspiration. “I’m seeing the whole thing differently. I’m seeing Mary Baker Eddy differently,” he explained. “It’s a wonderful experience.”

A Spiritual approach to Customer Service

"Customers don't care how much you know until they know how much you care," says Charles Moore, one of the customer service representatives interviewed for this article. A spiritual approach to customer care means service providers are living out their spirituality on the job. spirituality.com's Lori White spoke with three customer service reps on how this is working for them.

Susan Renaud works for a credit union in Needham, Massachusetts. She handles questions and requests about banking, mortgages, IRAs and refinancing. Kay Keelor is the call center team leader for a magazine publisher in Boston, Massachusetts, which also publishes the book Science and Health, featured on this site. Charles Moore has worked as a customer service representative for an insurance company and is now with a leading newspaper.

Charles: Customer service is a very important position to have since we're representing the company. It makes all the difference between whether a company will survive or not. The power of the exchange comes through the customer and if you don't provide that support and training for people on the phone, then that company has made a very big mistake. I've seen a business fail because they did not understand that the purpose for doing business is to help the customer.

People are looking for solutions. And they also want those solutions to be done in a compassionate way. There's obviously been a problem created somewhere within the system and they want to have an answer. And they don't just want an answer; they want to be heard also.

Kay: I think people are looking for different things. Some people want us to very quickly fill an order or get a need met. A lot of people want a sense of order. They want their magazines to come to them in an orderly fashion. This is very important to them. And what I hope we'll be fulfilling here, too, is to make them feel they're important.

Susan: The most important aspect of customer service to me is care for the customer and having them feel that care. People have many things that are going on and they want to know that we are listening to them.

"It's treating your neighbor as yourself."

spirituality.com: How are you able to help the customer feel cared for and important?

Charles: I recognize that who I'm talking to is really a part of me. In other words, in a higher fabric of who we are as a group of people, the person on the other end is as much a part of who I am as I am of them. So I talk to them in a way that would be meaningful to me if I were sitting on their side and I were having the problem. I would want them to respond to me as I respond to them. It's treating your neighbor as yourself.

Susan: I think the most important thing is having people feel the love and care we have for them. Along with that, reps need to be honest and up front with the person. And I think with patience and humility I can understand more about what their real request is. As I feel God's love for all of us, I feel more loving, more patient, more honest.

Kay: I need to feel God's love when we're talking to people on the phone. This love is not something I have to reach out to, it's something that's right here. It's irresistible. It's the kindness you feel towards your brother man. It's the forgiveness you feel towards someone who's testy, it's the joy that you feel in serving others. It's the unselfish kindness. It 's giving someone your full attention. It's being patient, warm and not expecting anything in return. It's amazing that when you express all these qualities that they come back to you full tilt. It comes back to you tenfold, one hundredfold sometimes.

spirituality.com: Meeting the demands of customers can be stressful, particularly when problems of time and technology come up. What sustains you and helps you to meet these challenges?

Charles: In the midst of a challenge or circumstance, I feel that God is [there]. There is no place where God is not. This applies to resolutions and it applies to preparation for giving any service that's required as well.

It's not unusual to have an angry person. If the person is angry, they're not necessarily angry with me. They may be angry with an issue that is beyond the organization.

I think the most important element is to, first of all, listen and find out if there's a way to solve it. I've had many occasions when things were very challenging for a multitude of reasons. It's been very heartwarming to know that some situations that had been going on for a long time have been resolved by this idea of listening—treating my neighbor as myself.

"I feel that God is answering the calls through me."

Susan: I feel that God is answering the calls through me. I'm listening to Him. I feel that prayer is my life; it's the way I'm thinking about things. And I think people respond to that.

Often I find we have to be patient and help the person on the phone understand that we are there to help them. At the credit union, I'm working within a banking system with thousands of automated teller machines and things don't always happen right away. If someone goes to an A.T.M. and their card gets taken, they expect that they can get it right back when they call. One of the hardest challenges is explaining that we have a procedure we need to follow and that they often have to wait for us to follow these procedures before things get done.

One instance like this happened with a man calling from overseas. His son had an A.T.M. card that wasn't working. The father was very irate because his son couldn't get any money from the machine. The call was very difficult and hostile. I was really trying to be as patient as possible. During this call, I prayed. I thought about how God is speaking to this customer and myself and that the only language being spoken here is God's language of love. With an irate customer who is not being loving at all, you can continue to love that person with the love you feel from God, even though it is not meeting any response at that moment.

"The tone of the call changed from being hostile to being happy."

I also asked God what I could do in this situation. I was able to find a technical solution, which allowed me to change the [personal identification] number on the card and get the card working again. The father was happy that his son was again able to get money out, and the tone of the call changed from being hostile to being happy.

Kay: I pray before every call. Prayer to me is opening my thought to God's love and God's presence here and now, with me, with my work, with the person who's calling. It's acknowledging God's presence in my life and in everyone 's life. It makes me feel free of burdens. It helps me to concentrate on what I'm saying and doing. Every time I get a call, I hesitate just for a second to acknowledge a sense of joy.
One of our biggest challenges came when screens were exceptionally slow and the system wasn't available for us to use. People were missing their magazines. We could feel the stress.

Our staff all got together and [prayed]. We did a study of what the book Science and Health said about systems, and we came up with a lot of different ideas. For example, we read, "Truth is an alterative in the entire system and can make it every whit whole."

We also thought about the idea that God is in charge of the system. We're not personally responsible. We're governed by God's systematic approach and the people we're dealing with and the system we're dealing with all fall into line with God's plan to supply what's really needed.

[The results] were surprising. One of our account managers came to me after this. She said that the system was actually up and running for the first time in a long time. I told her about the [spiritual] study we had done.

She said, "Wow! That really works!"

A poet prays and forgives her abuser

When you’re abused, it can feel continually like someone has kicked you in the stomach or is about to—whether the abuse is verbal or physical. It’s easy to feel you’re totally worthless and even more tempting just to give up on yourself and your life. But some, like Jacqueline Amos-Holloway, fight back by finding greater courage deep within themselves and in their trust in God.

I met Jacqueline through her book, To Soar with Eagles. Her poems spoke to me. She was eager to share her story about finding freedom from abuse so others could find hope and healing as she did.

Jacqueline grew up on a plantation near a Mississippi town of less than 7,000 people. She remembers the hard work, the good friends and her family’s devotion to church and to God.

“Every Sunday, my father always took me and my brothers and sisters to Sunday school and we went to church,” Jacqueline recalls. As she grew up, Jacqueline stayed close and active with her church and didn’t forget her prayers to God. For Jacqueline, God is her Father, a divine Parent whom she can go to and talk to.

“He’s like peace in the midst of a storm.”

“He’s like peace in the midst of a storm,” says Jacqueline. “It’s having an anchor when all about you is in turmoil. That’s what God has always been to me.”

Jacqueline adds that studying the Bible helped her to understand more of what God is saying to her. “A lot of times He will lead me to Scriptures,” she says. “And a lot of times I read Psalms. I love Psalms and Proverbs. I’ll just read and something will just pop out from the page that will give me a sense of well-being.”

Twenty-two years ago, when she first met Jed (not his real name), she agreed to date him to prove that he was wrong about her. “I have always been an overachiever, and he always thought me a snob because I would never give him anything but a polite 'Hi,'” Jacqueline says. “He said he always liked me, but I never noticed him.”
Jed started hitting her.

But 10 months into the relationship, Jed started hitting her. She confided in a friend, who tried to help her by supporting her privately. The friend told her she didn’t like Jed, but Jacqueline didn’t listen.

One day, Jacqueline remembered going to church with a black eye.
“We were singing in the choir and we had to visit some church in a neighboring town,” Jacqueline says now. Her friend brought her some makeup so Jacqueline could hide the black eye. She also hid her face from her brother so he wouldn’t know what happened.

“I wanted to fight my own fight, in a different way.”

“I know he would have been immensely angry—I am the baby of the family—and I did not want my brother fighting for me,” Jacqueline explained. “I wanted to fight my own fight, in a different way. It was my mistake, so I had to work it out.”

Despite the abuse, Jacqueline stayed with Jed. “I remember I was in the bathroom and God was speaking to me, telling me, He’s not going to change,” says Jacqueline. “I wondered who was talking to me. He said it again to me, He’s not going to change. What did I do? I married him anyway.”

The abuse continued. Jacqueline sought solace and comfort in church and in her prayers to God.

“When somebody beats you down, it attacks your self-esteem,” says Jacqueline. “A lot of times I would try to ponder, how did I get to this place in my life and what is my ultimate purpose? I had to find myself. Find my place and what was special about me.”

“God tells you at some point in your life what not to do.”

“God tells you at some point in your life what not to do,” Jacqueline continues thoughtfully. “And ultimately what happens is you have to come back to what He told you. I went the wrong direction. And as a result, this is what happened to me.”

Six months into her marriage, the abuse came to a head when Jed beat Jacqueline and began to choke her. Jacqueline prayed. “I was down on the floor and said, ‘God please. All I ask for you to do is to save me. To protect me.’” Jed soon stopped.
Pregnant with her daughter, Jacqueline didn’t stay any longer. She called Jed's father and asked him to come to the apartment while she packed to go home. And she didn’t look back. Her brother, who didn’t know her reason for leaving yet, told her she didn’t have any patience since it had only been six months. “I said, well if he acts crazy at six months, he’ll act crazy in six years,” said Jacqueline. “I just cut my losses.”

Her prayers to God kept her going.

Back home, her courage crumbled. She was afraid to talk about the abuse. Her mother’s strong encouragement and her prayers to God kept her going. When she left the house, Jacqueline says, she was dressed up, not allowing anyone to see what she had gone through. But as soon as she got home, she would dissolve into tears.

For the next five years, Jacqueline prayed for understanding and for a release from the mental pain. She found support from her parents and from reading the Bible. She asked God to help her—she told Him she just wanted what He wanted for her life.
One day at her lowest point, Jacqueline found these words in the book of Isaiah: “You are mine.” “There was power in these words,” she says. “I knew then, that no matter what happened from that day forward, God made me a promise and I knew He would honor it.”

This insight healed her.

“Now, even when I get down, I know who I am and I know to whom I belong. Regardless of what goes on, I know I belong to Him,” Jacqueline says. This insight healed her. She was able to talk about the abuse. “Talking allowed me to be verbally open to what had happened—able to talk about it to help others,” Jacqueline says.
She also found the strength to forgive and to pray for Jed when he was in a car accident in 1994. The passenger in his car was killed and he was at the point of death, Jacqueline explains. She found herself praying.

She prayed this way to God: “Jed hasn’t lived the kind of life that would let him pray to You. Right now I’m going to pray on his behalf. If You would, allow me to stand in his gap and bring him through. And just let him live.”
He did make it through. And Jacqueline remembered something her oldest brother told her years earlier.

“You’re beginning to put on wings of an angel.”

“He said, ‘Jack, when you get to the point that you can pray for those that use you and abuse you, that’s when you’re beginning to put on wings of an angel,’” Jacqueline says. “I keep my brother’s words in my head at all times.”

No longer afraid, Jacqueline freely tells others about her experience in the hope that those in abusive situations can find the courage to leave and go forward with their lives. “I think if you just find yourself and you know your place with God, you’re able to deal with just about anything,” Jacqueline says now.

In 1995 Jacqueline moved to Memphis with her 12-year-old daughter. Through the encouragement of a friend from work, she started jotting down her thoughts. “My friend told me that whatever thoughts come into my head, write them down,” says Jacqueline. “I never thought of a book. It was my way of releasing.”

“I felt like it needed to be shared.”

She started sharing her manuscript with her friends at work and they loved it. People started telling her how much her thoughts and messages were comforting them. “I felt like it needed to be shared,” says Jacqueline.

She adds that the poems and messages she wrote in the book continue to strengthen her. She feels the messages will inspire people to think about trusting God.
Jacqueline’s story reminds me that no one should ever forget they can trust God. She says it best in the final words of her poem, “To Soar with Eagles”:

And oh, to soar with eagles
Eagles with joined, outstretched wings of might
There is no challenge too great for us
For God has given us grace in flight.

A Family journeys together out of depression

You wonder if you’ll ever be good enough, and you’re so weighed down that you can’t get up. Sometimes life looks so hopeless that you feel there’s no way out of your problems and fears—like you’re in a dark tunnel. That’s what depression feels like.
Around the world, 340 million people suffer from some form of depression at some point in their lives. Far from being merely a passing period of feeling down, depression disrupts and debilitates the lives of individuals and their families.

Debbi Lawrence, a successful real estate businesswoman and mother, remembers how she had struggled with depression for fifteen years. It started with doubts and fears about herself, her marriage and her career. These doubts and fears grew until they felt overwhelming. Debbi cried easily and often. She couldn’t get out of bed to face the day, and she wondered if others would be better off without her.

I thought that if I just drove into that strip I could end all the pain.

“I struggled with suicidal thoughts,” Debbi says now. “Once I was driving down the highway, and there was a median strip in the middle of the road. I thought that if I just drove into that strip I could end all the pain and suffering and everyone could get on with their lives. They wouldn’t have to deal with me and I wouldn’t have to deal with them.” But fearing that her car crash might hurt others, Debbi didn’t go through with it.

Debbi’s husband Dan struggled during this period as well. He explains now how the entire family bore the weight of Debbi’s depression. “I felt like there was this big dark cloud hanging over all of us,” says Dan. “It was wearing us out to the point where we wanted to give up and give in.”

Debbi had been leaning on Dan for comfort and was tired of being a burden. She told Dan that divorcing her might be the easiest way out for him. But Dan was committed to keeping the marriage together and felt that they could face the problem together as a family.

Love doesn’t give out and love doesn’t give up.

“I think honestly a lot of people would have quit,” Dan says. “But divorce is not in my vocabulary. Love doesn’t give out and love doesn’t give up. Our family is our strength and I wasn’t about to let this dark cloud tear us apart.”

“I really needed to feel loved and comforted,” says Debbi. “But human comfort wasn’t enough. I needed something more.” Debbi felt that while conventional treatments like psychotherapy and antidepressants might help temporarily, they would never give her the permanent love and comfort she longed for. She felt that she could only find what she was looking for by learning more about her relationship to God.

Two books—the Bible and Science and Health—helped her learn more about God. She read them constantly and they gave her hope. “These books were telling me that I could find the love I was looking for and that this love is not limited,” Debbi says. “God’s love is with me and I can face any circumstance with that love.”

Over the next fifteen years there were ups and downs. Sometimes Debbi would break through the depression and things would be fine. Other times the problem would be so big everyone would feel knocked down by it.

“This Love is constant.”

When Dan felt the problem was hopeless, he kept hanging on to the thought that God’s love was with him. “This Love is constant,” Dan says. “It’s with us even when we feel the most unloved and alone.”

Dan also was encouraged by the idea that God sees everything He made as good. “If you start from the point that you are good and loved and that you can participate in God’s wonder, you can stand up to the problem,” Dan says. This idea encouraged him to align himself with what is good.

Debbi also felt encouraged to focus on the good in her life—including a husband who wouldn’t give up on her and her two sons. Also, she and her family ran an educational farm that hosted about 20,000 families per year. Their farm brought so much joy to so many people. And then there were the women in the nursing home who Debbi visited regularly.

“I saw how foolish it would be for me to take myself out of this life,” Debbi says now. “I realized I have so much to contribute.”

“I was discovering who I am as God made me.”

As Debbi continued to study the Bible and Science and Health, she saw that the love, comfort and confidence she wanted were already hers from God. She started to see herself as a woman who could succeed and feel valued. “I was discovering who I am as God made me,” Debbi says. “God knows me as a joyful, beautiful expression of Life and Love.”

Debbi and Dan remember the point when Debbi finally broke through the depression for good. Debbi made a conscious decision to take the spiritual ideas she was learning and stand up for herself. As a symbol of this new resolve, she told a relative, someone who had been very critical of everything Debbi was doing, that their relationship would have to change. And it did—for the better.

This moment of strength helped Debbi replace her dark feelings and doubts with confidence and joy. She no longer had to carry the heavy weight of inadequacy. Debbi stopped focusing on the negative voice and instead started focusing on her husband and children. She also reduced her work hours and started to spend more time with her family.

Both Debbi and Dan felt like they had come out of a dark tunnel. Their home life became fresh and new—joyful. “When you get this healing, there’s blessed relief,” Dan says. “You see that God’s love dispels the darkness of depression. And you realize that God’s light is there with you, shining all the time. It’s absolutely marvelous!”

Rising above altitude sickness

We were higher up than I'd ever been before! Where I live, the tallest mountain doesn't even come close to how high we were on our vacation. But the first evening we were there, I began feeling nauseous and dizzy.

My husband and I were vacationing at Mammoth Mountain in the Sierra Nevadas with his family. We all looked forward to being together, but my brother-in-law had warned us about the possibility of altitude sickness. Now I was having some of the symptoms he'd described. I was worried that this problem would prevent me from enjoying this ski vacation with the rest of the family. I certainly didn't want to be a total wet blanket!

A power higher than myself.

I went to our bedroom so that I could be alone and pray about this. When I pray, I get very quiet. I've found that being still and trusting in a power higher than myself—in God—has helped me when I've needed help most. Prayer has brought me protection in times of danger, answers in times of confusion and healing in times of sickness. I have always found the answers I need through prayer.

So here I was, just me and God. As I pondered and prayed to feel the presence of God, I got the idea, "Altitude sickness is not a law." This idea was so simple and quick that I was startled. I felt it had to be God talking to me!

God's intentions are divine

As I thought further, it struck me that God makes and governs creation through divine laws. God's laws include health, harmony and goodness. God would not then turn around and also create altitude sickness! That would be like intending to make a cake, but instead of putting in milk, eggs and flour, you put in water, and you wind up with a piecrust! God's intentions are for a divine creation. Since God makes and governs me and everything else by divine law, there are no "wrong ingredients" such as altitude sickness, and I don't have to put up with it.

I felt reassured that God's law was right there, helping me. I felt absolutely loved! The worry and sickness gave way to a feeling of peace. I went to sleep, and the next morning woke up with no more symptoms.

Our ski trip was absolutely fabulous. I skied several miles and had a ball. The whole family enjoyed the beautiful scenery and perfect weather. I rejoiced in God's handiwork—the mountains and woods, and the peace and harmony of feeling surrounded by God's presence—and being completely well!

Adoption Series final chapter: Now we're a family

Sue Mai, Scott and I are now back home and settling in to begin a new journey as a family. As I write this, a snapshot of a “family moment” from our first Mother’s Day comes to mind. The three of us, still a bit exhausted from our trip were stealing some much needed and much cherished family playtime together. Scott reached over and gave me a tender hug. Sue Mai stood up, stretched her arms out and hugged both of us. There we were just cherishing this moment. Mom, Dad and baby. We are now a family.

About 4 weeks ago, we all met for the first time in the civil affairs office in Nanchang. There amidst the hubbub of crying babies, families snapping pictures, administrators and guides handing out formula and collecting forms, I held Sue Mai for the first time. It was a hectic scene – not at all the romantic or ceremonial picture of our first meeting that I had dreamed about. Sue Mai, hot, tired and somewhat fearful, joined the other babies in a chorus of wails.

I found an empty room that was somewhat quiet so that Sue Mai and I could both feel a bit calmer. Standing in this room and gently rocking Sue Mai, I thought back to another family threesome from many hundreds of years ago. I couldn’t help thinking about the occasion of Jesus’ birth and wondering if the bustling town of Bethlehem was just as hectic for these new parents as it was for us at this moment.

I loved thinking about Mary and Joseph and the quiet peace they must have felt in the manger as they cherished their new child. What a holy moment it must have been to have God’s tender peace embracing this new family in their quiet haven. I thought about the spiritual qualities just embracing their special birthing moment – tender affection, joy, restfulness and the bond of divine Love just bringing the three of them together.

This is what our family needed, I realized, as I held Sue Mai and rocked her. I liked the thought that even in the midst of all the commotion, the three of us could have our manger moment. We could quietly relish God’s tender peace and joy shining on us with His promise of good things to come. We could feel the gentle affection of divine Love comforting and reassuring our little girl. And we could rejoice that our family is in the safekeeping of God – forever.

A poem by Mary Baker Eddy came to thought as I rocked Sue Mai, which helped me feel mothered. The words spoke to me of our manger moment – God’s strong, joyous and tender power which speaking to each of us. It says,

O gentle Presence, peace and joy and power,
O Life divine that owns each waiting hour
Thou Love, that guards the nestling’s faltering flight,
Keep Thou my child on upward wing tonight.

I noticed that Sue Mai had calmed down and was resting quietly in my arms as I sang these words to her. Scott joined in as we followed our group out the door and back to the bus which would take us all to our hotel and the beginning of our new lives together.

In the days following, our schedule did not get any less hectic. After a rigorous schedule in China, we returned home to the demands of work, family and friends all clamoring to see the baby for the first time. I have to chuckle as I thought further about the story of Jesus’ birth – how after their manger moment – Mary and Joseph were greeting the many shepherds, wise men and no doubt others who came to see the new baby. Trying to imagine the scene, I can’t help feeling that the peace and promise that embraced this new family was embracing their visitors, too. I realized that as family, friends and neighbors all crowd around and clamor for a look at the new baby, we too could embrace our visitors in our manger moment. Instead of being invited into the hustle and bustle as visitors crowded to see the new babe, each visitor could instead be invited to be a part of the tender calm.

As I write this, both dad and daughter are playing quietly together downstairs. The three of us are relishing more of our family -- and manger – moments together on our new and exciting journey.

Adoption Series part 10: The wait is over--I'm a mom

“Congratulations—you have a daughter.”

I was stunned as our social worker, Vanessa, told me about our new baby girl. Sue Mai is 13 months old and lives with a foster mother in South Central China. Soon we’ll travel to meet her for the first time.

I had been waiting for this moment for a year. And yet I was surprised to realize I wasn’t doing back flips or floating on a cloud. Sure, I was extremely excited. But I also felt a tinge of disappointment. I had expected Sue Mai to be younger—maybe 9 or 10 months old. Instead, by the time we meet her, she'll be at least 16 months.

My heart sank. We’ve already missed so much. I wouldn’t be able to see her first steps, watch her sit up or even have the chance to feed her baby food. She’s probably saying her first words now and thinking of her foster mom as her mom. After all, this is the only mother she’s ever known, according to the report we received. And we were told that this woman is the only person Sue Mai will respond to.

"She'll be calling you Mommy very quickly."

My friends, pediatrician and social worker all assured me that this was a good sign. It shows she’s been well-cared for. As she has already formed a first attachment, she’ll be able to form other attachments more easily. “She’ll be calling you Mommy very quickly, because she’ll see that you’re caring for her,” my pediatrician assured me.

Her words comforted and encouraged me, but I still felt a tug of emptiness inside. I needed some spiritual comfort and some spiritual answers. It was time for me to go into my “closet” of prayer, which is a way to describe those times when you just want to chat with God.

Sitting quietly in my home office, I listened for some ideas and inspiration. My thoughts went back to a hymn I’ve been singing a lot lately, and I stopped to think about some of the words:

"So we find the true atonement,
Know in God the perfect Friend;
For in Love is our at-one-ment,
Where all hearts in Him may blend."

Our hearts are already woven together in God's great love.

I started to feel a quiet peace as I thought about this hymn, which reassured me that all our hearts are already woven together in God’s great love. The love we each express and feel is God’s mothering love, and none of us can be separated or pulled apart from it. I understood that Sue Mai and I are already joined together in this love.

I recognized with gratitude the love Sue Mai’s foster mom has been showing our child over these months. No doubt she will be sad to see Sue Mai go. I decided to include the foster mom in our prayers too, and to write a letter of thanks to her.

I realized that in God’s great love, there are no vacuums and no empty spaces. As my daughter's first "mom," this foster mother would always be part of her life and in her heart. Because of this, we could include this woman in our love, prayers and continuing gratitude for the care she gave Sue Mai.

But I still felt something was missing. I’d never get back those first-year milestones, and this was breaking my heart.

"The Lord watch between me and thee."

I continued to search for ideas that would help me find comfort. I picked up a journal I had been keeping for the past year, in which I wrote down favorite spiritual ideas and passages that helped me learn more about my daughter’s spiritual identity as a child of God. One of the journal entries I had noted was a Bible verse in Genesis: “The Lord watch between me and thee when we are absent one from another.”
And then it hit me. For the past year, I had been actively parenting this little girl through prayer. I have been cherishing, loving and learning all about the little girl that God has known all along. I've thought of her as loved, cared for, content, spiritually perfect and thriving in every way. And I’ve loved and trusted the idea that God has been mothering her and caring for her from the very first day.
I looked back on this past year and how far I’ve come spiritually—I've reached and enjoyed spiritual milestones through prayer. While Sue Mai has been growing and learning, I’ve been developing too, as a mother.

I love being part of a new adoptive community.

I’ve been growing in love and appreciation for all young children. Now when I encounter babies, I look at them with love and appreciation. I’m not as apt to get impatient or annoyed with fussy toddlers in stores or restaurants. And I love being a part of a new adoptive community as well—a growing group of families adopting children from China.

A few days later, Scott and I received a report on Sue Mai's development—and her picture. We both fell in love with her sweet face. We couldn’t stop looking at her. “She’s beautiful,” Scott said.

The report said Sue Mai sings when she’s happy and enjoys listening to music. And her name in Chinese means “snowflower.”

Sue Mai’s love of music is a perfect fit for our musical family. Scott said he was looking forward to sitting at the piano with her, and I can't wait to sing to her as part of her bedtime ritual. Even the meaning of her Chinese name is appropriate for our snowy New Hampshire home.

Sue Mai appeared contented.

Her pictures and report confirmed for me the effects of my prayers over these past months. Sue Mai appeared contented and well-cared-for. And her growth and development were right on track—all signs of a healthy baby.

It’s not much longer until we meet Sue Mai. Right now, we're finalizing our travel arrangements and preparations. And we’ll be taking along a special gift for Sue Mai’s foster mom.

The three of us will be back soon to let you know about our first meeting—and how we’re all doing.

Continue on to the final chapter: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-final-chapter-now-were.html

Adoption Series part 9: What do I do with all this parenting advice?

We’re heading down the home stretch of our long wait to hear something about our child. Our agency emails us each month with new information and updates about our paperwork, currently being processed in China. We expect to hear something in February.

Naturally, as excited parents-to-be, we’ve been telling friends, family, acquaintances and everyone in between about our adoption. We’ve been getting a wonderful groundswell of encouragement and support.

We’ve also been hearing lots of advice and opinions.

"Give up the idea that you’ll ever sleep again," one father told us.
"You should expect attachment problems," said someone else.
"You’ll have a long wait if you want day care," two parents warned.
"This waiting period is an anxious time," wrote our agency.

I began to wonder whether I was doing everything I could.
Other adoptive parents have told us what they’ve been doing to prepare for the arrival of their child. We’ve heard how they're going to parenting classes, painting their nurseries, setting up day care, even talking about the doll collection they're assembling for their children. While we’ve made a start, I worried whether I was doing everything I could to prepare.

I wondered how I could figure out what ideas were right for my family and just let the other stuff go. Was I being foolish or even rude to tell others to keep it to themselves, when they might have information I really should know?

"Human opinions are not spiritual."

I decided I needed to stop and get a more spiritual perspective. I turned to my favorite parenting manual, Science and Health. Would I find a chapter on "How to handle unsolicited advice?" Actually, no, but to my delight, I found some really relevant ideas. I looked into what author Mary Baker Eddy writes about opinions. This sentence particularly interested me: "Human opinions are not spiritual. They come from the hearing of the ear, from corporeality instead of from Principle, and from the mortal instead of from the immortal."

This idea encouraged me. I realized that while the suggestions others had been sharing may have worked for them, this passage was telling me that I could turn to divine Principle to know what was best for us.

I felt a little better as I thought about this. After all, I think of God as the divine Parent of each one of us. Who would know the individual needs of each of His children better than our divine Parent? Who better to go to with my questions than my divine Father-Mother?

I can go to God with my questions.

I like to think of God as being always present and available. What a relief to know I have access to the comfort, guidance and wisdom that God provides, 24 hours a day! I can go to God with my questions and trust that He will be there to instruct me as I learn to feed, bathe, play with and nurture my child. Phew!

I looked for other reassuring ideas in Science and Health. Among them I found passages that assured me I didn’t need to be afraid of the advice I received. As a result, I started to feel less overwhelmed by all the advice. I can smile now and appreciate others’ good intentions. I feel more poised and confident that God’s giving me the guidance I need.

Every day, I can discover the many wonderful ways God has of showing me His wisdom and care, through divine intuition or as the result of conversation with others.
Now I feel better as Scott and I continue with our preparations. In fact, I’m really starting to enjoy it, rather than worrying about what we’re supposed to be doing. I even had fun today—I took my first tour of a day care center and chatted with the other parents. Rather than feeling intimidated, I felt embraced by them as I told them about the adoption.

Next thing on our list? Setting up the nursery. I can hardly wait!

Continue on to part 10: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-10-wait-is-over.html

Adoption Series part 8: I can parent now

It’s been two months since our paperwork went to China. According to our agency, we should find out about our daughter in about four months.

I’m excited, but the impact of this adoption hasn’t fully hit me. It still feels like a distant event. At the same time, I sometimes wish I could parent her and get to know her now. I find myself wondering if she is safe and if someone is caring for her.

Having read about the many baby girls abandoned in China, my heart breaks to think of my daughter as alone and neglected. And I’ve realized as I’ve prayed about this adoption that I’m not only praying about the little girl we’ll meet someday. I’m also including all the children in China in my prayers. One idea I’ve heard, which I really find profound, is that I’m not just adopting a child, I’m adopting a country!
I'm thinking about all the baby girls without families.

As I've prayed during our adoption journey, I’ve found different ideas in the Bible and Science and Health that have encouraged and helped me. But now that I'm thinking about all the baby girls without families, I’ve started to take a fresh look at these ideas in a broader context.

One idea from Science and Health is this: “Spirit duly feeds and clothes every object,…thus tenderly expressing the fatherhood and motherhood of God. Spirit names and blesses all.” Thinking about these sentences, I started to feel assured that each child is tenderly nurtured and cherished by God. As their divine Mother, God would never abandon Her children.

I remembered reading about the Chinese custom of wrapping babies in thick blankets to keep them warm. I had a peaceful feeling as I pictured each one of these little girls, snug in their blankets, also being spiritually wrapped in God’s love.
God knows her and dearly loves her.

As I read and think about these ideas, it occurs to me that even though I don’t know my child yet, God knows her and dearly loves her. I love the tender assurance that this child, as well as all the other children in China, is being held safe in His care.

In a few short months, I’ll be holding our daughter in my arms. And I’m looking forward to sharing with her what I’ve been learning about her spiritual heritage—and the spiritual heritage of all her “sisters” in China.

Continue on to part 9: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-9-what-do-i-do.html

Adoption Series part 7: Making Room

We signed the papers on our loan today—two weeks earlier than we’d expected.
Scott and I both heaved a huge sigh of relief as we got the news. The financing, which we had thought was so impossible when we started this process, is now ready. And we’ll be able to afford the monthly payments along with our other expenses.
Our neighbors, excited about the news, gave us a crib, high chair, stroller, play equipment and baby clothes they no longer needed. One friend gave me a box of board books.

Our house is brimming with baby items, and this has made me rethink how we use our space.

A baby needs room to crawl and play.

The living room presented the biggest problem. A baby needs room to crawl and play, and I couldn’t figure out how to rearrange our living room to make this possible. Not only was it crammed full with furniture, but our bunnies occupied one section of the room in two large cages.

The other rooms in the house are too small to accommodate the cages—it was starting to look like I’d have to give away three members of our family because we had no room for them!

I loved our bunnies and I loved mothering them. But my priorities were shifting, and I now needed to see how the new baby would fit into our home. Admittedly, part of me wondered whether this was a sign that perhaps our lives were actually too full already. Was I just caving in to some “biological clock” craving for children? Was this really right for us?

A deep desire to expand our love for family.

Whoa…wait a minute. This has been much more than a craving. My own and Scott’s prayers assured me of the inspiration and joy in every step of this adoption process. We had a deep desire to expand our love for family. And in a way, the bunnies represented that expansion at the time we got them, too.

I found myself humming the Christmas carol, "Joy to the World" and thinking about the words, "Let every heart prepare him room, and heaven and nature sing."
Even though the summer sun was blazing outside, in just three short months people would be singing this song in celebration of Jesus' birth.

Our household could fully represent God's harmony.

Just as the world was called on to make room for the Christ's appearing, I thought of my daily prayers for this baby as a way of actually "making room" for her arrival. I saw my prayers as important steps in opening up our lives to include her.
My prayers also helped me realize that making room doesn’t have to be merely a physical activity. Our household could fully represent God’s harmony and balance. I saw the real need was to expand my spiritual view of home and family.

I remembered that this waiting time was our “pregnancy.” Just as a traditional pregnancy would be about making room for a baby to grow, we could see growth and expansion in our home and in our lives as the idea of parenthood became more of a reality for us.

As I was thinking about these ideas, I found this sentence in Science and Health: “As mortals drop off their mental swaddling-clothes, thought expands into expression.”

I needed to drop the "swaddling clothes" of my assumptions.

This was telling me that as I appreciate and embrace the spiritual qualities our child would be bringing to our home—energy, joy, innocence, childlikeness—they would expand on, not crowd out, the attributes that our home offers right now.
And as I felt more open and accepting of these new ideas, I would be able to see ways in which our lives and our home would make room for our child. But I also needed to drop the “swaddling clothes” of my own assumptions about how this was going to happen.

A plan slowly started to hatch as I thought about ways to put the living room and other rooms in order. I realized that by rearranging the bookcases in my small home office, I could clear a space for the bunnies. To my delight, I was not only able to fit a large cage into a corner space, but there was also room for all three bunnies to peacefully coexist in the same cage. And with a little more creative rearranging, I was able to create more play space in the living room.

I’m amazed by the spaciousness of our once-overcrowded living room. And beyond just a little creative moving of furniture, I’m grateful for the removal of clutter from my thoughts. I’m feeling a little more open to letting in new and expansive ideas for our family and home.

Continue on to part 8: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-8-i-can-parent.html

Adoption Series part 6: How do we pay for all this?

I’m writing this as Scott and I wait for word about the loan we applied for. This adoption won’t be cheap.

Scott and I had always known adoption would be expensive. In fact, the financial aspect of it had been one reason we hadn’t started the process several years earlier.
When we attended our first adoption seminar, our hearts sank as we learned the overall estimated outlay—administration fees, adoption program costs and travel expenses. We gulped in unison as we started to wonder where we were going to find $22,000. And even if we managed to come up with part of the funding, how would we afford to travel to China?

Our social worker, Vanessa, tried to reassure us when we asked how other people do it. “That’s the one question every adoptive family asks,” she said. She explained that families come up with the financing in several ways—home equity loans, from relatives and friends, even adoption assistance from work.

"How do we give her everything she needs?"

We looked at our own situation. Neither of us worked at companies offering adoption assistance. Our families are not rolling in dough and we didn’t feel comfortable asking for handouts. And we weren’t even sure there would be enough equity on our home yet to take out such a hefty loan.

Scott was nearly panicking. “My income won’t nearly cover this," he said. "And what about future expenses? How do we pay for college? How do we give her everything she needs for a good life? We’re not exactly rich.”

I tried to calm my own growing fears as I calmed Scott down. I reminded him we had decided to trust God to remove all the obstacles in front of us. We can trust God with financial questions, too, I reassured him.

I suggested we go into our corners and pray about this question, rather than running around in circles and stressing ourselves out. Prayer was the only way we’d be able to get some perspective about what to do next.

I looked for ideas to anchor myself.

I delved into ideas from two books that have fast become trusty friends—the Bible and Science and Health. I tried to get all the questions out of my head as I looked for some ideas to anchor myself. I stopped at a Bible story I’ve read many times—where Jesus feeds several thousand people in the wilderness. Many of the details related to the questions Scott and I were struggling with.

For one thing, Jesus’ disciples were doubtful they would get enough food to feed so many people. I have to admit, I knew how the disciples felt. I wanted to know how our financing would work out! Okay, so what was Jesus going to say to that?

“Give ye them to eat,” he answered. I could feel the frustration and anxiety of the disciples as they tried to tell him that they didn’t have enough—five loaves and a few fishes won’t feed thousands of people. I thought about the disciples’ question, “What are they, among so many?” as I looked at our bank account.
Okay, I thought. How would this dilemma be solved—for them and for me? We didn’t have much in our savings account—a couple thousand dollars at most. How could this paltry sum possibly cover the total expenses for this adoption?

Jesus wasn't stressing out about the obstacles in front of them.

What Jesus did next hit me like a ton of bricks. He lifted up his eyes to heaven and gave thanks. It hit me that Jesus wasn’t stressing about the obstacles in front of them. He wasn’t enumerating all the possible reasons something couldn’t be done. He was looking to God and giving thanks for everything God had done for them, and was about to do. And as the story goes, he not only fed all those people with the resources they had, but there were baskets of leftovers.

I felt this story was telling me to lift up my eyes to heaven and give thanks for all our blessings. I felt my own panic lift as I realized I too could look to what God was saying about the situation. I’ve always thought about God as an all-knowing Presence who could do anything. I just needed to listen to what God was saying to me, rather than go over the problem again and again.

When Scott and I got together to share what we had prayed about, Scott said he’d found his peace, too. He thought about a simple idea from Science and Health: “Love inspires, illumines, designates and leads the way.” Although he still felt tentative about the financial questions, this sentence reassured him. He felt he could let God guide us to the fulfillment and completion of the entire process.

It occurred to me that we didn’t need to worry about financing the entire adoption at once. This process occurs in steps, and so does the financing.

They were so excited about their new granddaughter.

I looked at how the payments were broken down. First, they wanted the home study fees in two payments. The money we’d saved in the bank was enough to cover this amount. And we had enough to cover expenses for translation and immigration form fees. Now that was something to be grateful for.

Then we received a card from my parents. They were so excited about their new granddaughter and could hardly wait to have her join the family. They'd hoped the enclosed check would help with the expenses. The check was enough for the next installment of the administrative expenses. Even more to be grateful for.

Buoyed by the thought that the administrative expenses were now taken care of, we decided to apply for a home equity loan. Now that some the expenses were covered, we wouldn’t have to borrow as much as we’d previously thought.

Even though we’re continuing to pray about the financial questions, we’re now both feeling less fearful and more encouraged. I’m starting to understand that instead of stressing about all the aspects of this adoption, I can trust that God provides us with perfect assurance each step of the way.

Stay tuned…I’ll let you know about the loan. We should have news in just a couple weeks.


Continue on to part 7: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-7-making-room.html

Adoption Series part 5: It's happening - can I do the job?

“Congratulations! In nine months, you’re going to be parents,” said Vanessa, our social worker, letting us know our dossier had finally been sent to China.

Scott and I were thrilled. We might be meeting our little one for the first time around Mother’s Day, 2005. I couldn’t think of a more wonderful Mother’s Day gift.
But at the same time, I started to feel overwhelmed by the thought of being a parent. It hit me that this was really happening. And I found myself with a lot of questions. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent 24/7! What if we get her home and I find out I’m not really cut out to be a mom? What if she’s sleeping upstairs and I forget I have a child? What do we feed her? What about when she cries? What does she need?

What am I getting myself into?

I had an overriding urge to run to the working moms I know and ask them, “How is it possible to work and care for a baby? How do you do it?” Suddenly, being a mom is looming large. What am I getting myself into?

I needed an instruction manual, so I headed to my local bookstore. There I found an overwhelming selection of titles that dealt with every facet of a child’s life.
Nobody has time to read all these books, I thought, fighting back tears. I couldn’t possibly read all of them, and what if I picked the wrong ones? At that moment, I wanted to trust the answers to my questions to my heavenly Parent.

As I often do when I pray, I looked to the ideas in Science and Health for inspiration. And I found lots of ideas related to parenting. I read, “Parents should teach their children at the earliest possible period the truths of health and holiness. Children are more tractable than adults, and learn more readily to love the simple verities that will make them happy and good.”

My Parent, God, is Love itself.

For the first time, it hit me that Science and Health could be a parenting manual for me.

I related to the idea that all children are receptive, innocent and tractable—absolutely open to all the things a parent might introduce to them. I decided I would be open to our child, too—and learn from her to be more innocent and receptive myself.

A friend also encouraged me not to think just about how to be a great parent, but why I am already a great parent. Since my Parent, God, is Love itself, the heart of parenting must be the ability to love. My friend reminded me I didn’t need to read tons of books to learn how to love.

I relaxed as I thought about my friend’s advice. I don’t need to measure up perfectly to books or other people to be a good mom. I’ve got God’s mother-love to lean on. I can love perfectly well, because God loves me, all children and everyone with infinite love.

I’m feeling less overwhelmed now, as I wrap my head around this whole concept of already being a mom. Okay, so I won’t order tons of books (though I still have my sights on a few titles), but I can tell I’m going to be getting a lot of use out of my spiritual parenting manual.

Continue on to part 6: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-6-how-do-we-pay.html

Adoption Series part 4: The Waiting Game

Scott and I are waiting for our documents to be sent on to China. Then we begin the final wait of about seven months until we hear about our child.

Right now, all sorts of feelings are coming up. There are times when I can imagine the three of us together—it feels so real. Then there are the times when I wonder if it will ever happen.

As the weeks go by, I’ve been feeling disappointment and frustration that no call has come from the agency. I keep staring at my cell phone—waiting for the call. And my fears have grown as I imagine the worst. They’ve lost our documents. We have to start all over again. Or, Something will happen politically with China and they’ll shut off our adoption. Or even, I’m going to lose my job, and I won’t find a new one. We’ll never be able to afford this adoption. Clearly, I needed to get a grip.
Adoptive parents I’ve met during this process tell me that the waiting period is the hardest part. It’s not uncommon to feel a range of emotions all at once, they tell me—it will happen and it will be worth the wait.

God’s timing is perfect.

I’ve been praying to feel a release from the frustration of being in a holding pattern. God’s timing is perfect, came the reassuring thought one day. You can trust that He has put everything in place for good to come about in the perfect time and the perfect way.

I’ve been holding on to this thought, and it’s been keeping me anchored. I keep reminding myself of what I’ve learned from years of studying the Bible and Science and Health each day—that God is in control of everything in my life, and that I can expect to see the wisdom of His timing and His plan.

As I thought about this idea, I remembered that many adoptive parents look at this wait time as their pregnancy. “Just as in a pregnancy, you wouldn’t expect that you would receive the child tomorrow,” one woman told me. “You need time to prepare. And just as the baby needs time to grow and gain strength in a natural birth, this wait period will give you time to grow and gain the confidence and spiritual strength you’ll both need as parents.”

This time could be used for preparation.

I loved the idea that this time could be used for preparation—physically, mentally and spiritually—for parenthood. I’ve started to feel better that I don’t have to expect to have every decision and every detail in place tomorrow. I can think of this time as part of the gift God is giving to Scott and me, which will allow us to get ready one step at a time.

I’ve been thinking more deeply about some of the ideas that I’ve been reading in the daily Study Guide you can find on this site. (See link below) The ideas have been so comforting—reassuring me that God, divine Love, is present to take care of each and every one of those things I’ve been afraid of.

“He shall gather the lambs with his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young,” was one of the Bible verses I read. I thought about how God was gathering everything necessary for each of Her children, carrying and supporting them and gently leading them forward. Surely if God is nurturing and fostering every detail of our plans, then no political, organizational or economic upheaval could disturb or upset our progress.

I also realized that God keeps all of His children safe, which includes the child we are expecting to bring home. This verse applies to her too and is promising me that God will gather her up, carry her and lead her to a place where she’s safe, warm and cared for. I felt hugged by God as I thought about this idea. God is keeping our whole family safe, gathering us together and carrying us.

The agency called to say that our dossier is going to be sent to China very soon. Perhaps this week? Stay tuned…

Continue to part 5: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-5-its-happening.html

Adoption Series part 3: Can we provide for our new family?

Scott and I have just finished our home study—a series of interviews with our social worker at the agency office, a home inspection and a preparatory course—all designed to determine if we are able to properly provide and care for a child.

When our home study began I felt I was walking on eggshells. What if I said the wrong thing? What if our social worker doesn’t like the fact that our rabbits live in the living room? Or that Scott is a musician instead of holding a high-level tech job? And would Keene State, where Scott is working, renew his contract for next year?
On top of everything, my job was beginning to look uncertain as well. Would our unstable income make us bad candidates for adoption?

I’ve always thought of God as the source of all good.

As I prayed during our home study, I kept remembering the joy I felt when Scott and I first decided to pursue adopting. I’ve always thought of God as the source of all good, the Father and Mother of His divine creation. This Source would never be exhausted or reverse itself.

“Soul has infinite resources with which to bless mankind, and happiness would be more readily attained and would be more secure in our keeping, if sought in Soul,” I remembered reading in Science and Health, a book I study regularly. God's goodness is always flowing freely to everyone, so I knew that the joy God has given me and will continue to give me can never be taken away.

There’s also a Bible story that I absolutely love and keep coming back to again and again. A woman is in debt and on the verge of losing her sons to become slaves. A prophet named Elisha asks what she has in the house. All she has is a pot of oil. Elisha instructs her to borrow empty containers from her neighbors and to pour from the pot into the containers. When she does this there is as much oil as there are empty containers, enough in fact not only to pay off her debt but to continue to sustain her and her sons.

We were rediscovering the good God has brought forth in our lives.

As I prayed, I looked around my home. What is my pot of oil, I wondered? What examples do we have of inexhaustible good, even if at this time it looks small? For after all, any degree of good has elements of the infinite, because it comes from the infinite source of good, God.

I thought about Scott’s music job. Sure, it’s not making us millionaires, but this job allowed him to have flexibility, contact with the community and the ability to share a talent so many people enjoy. Next, there were my bunnies. Their tender goodness fills our home with peace. Wouldn’t a child’s world be enhanced by learning to love, appreciate and care for God’s creatures? And what about Scott’s and my relationship? Our love continues to grow each passing year.

I also started to think about the meetings we’d had at the social worker’s office. Far from being intimidating, they were fun. Each meeting gave us the chance to share what was special in our lives. In fact, with each meeting we were rediscovering the good God has brought forth. I even shared a copy of Science and Health with our social worker, explaining how integral this book has been in our lives as children and as adults.

On the day of the home visit, the house sparkled after our thorough spring cleaning. A fresh pitcher of iced tea was in the refrigerator and everything was ready. Even our neighbors buzzed with excitement as we waited for Vanessa, our social worker, to arrive.

We were one of the easiest home studies she had ever done.

I felt so proud of my home as we showed her around. We told her about our neighbors and their generous support of us. The week before, they had given us baby things their families had outgrown—a crib, high chair, stroller and baby clothes. Vanessa laughed as she met our bunnies, and was entertained by our collection of wind-up toys.

Relaxing in the yard with a glass of iced tea, Vanessa confessed to us that we were one of the easiest home studies she had ever done. This was proof to me that the joy I had felt during this part of the adoption was spilling over into others’ lives as well.

We’re headed down the home stretch of the adoption process (we’re told). We have to finish preparing the documents to be sent overseas—the last step in a long process. Then comes the waiting. And we recently found out that Scott’s contract has been renewed. Phew!


Continue to part 4: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-4-waiting-game.html

Adoption Series part 2: It's Application time!

cott and I have registered at an agency to adopt a baby girl from China. I remember when we sent off for the application. We were so excited! I felt like I was just told I was pregnant. It felt new, exciting, overwhelming.

The application arrived about a week later. I gulped as I looked at the long list of documents they wanted us to fill out—in two packets. They wanted a criminal background check, financial records, five letters of reference and complete biographies of both Scott and myself. Suddenly the application process loomed large. Really large. And when we started adding up all the costs, including travel and accommodations, I realized we would have to come up with around $23,000.

Okay, breathe, I told myself. Let’s just start slowly. Perhaps if we start with the easiest things, the rest will fall into place.

The easiest thing for me to do is pray.

Sitting at my desk to begin the application process, I started to pray. I thought about the way God created everything in an orderly fashion. The Bible story of creation for instance (see full Bible reference below) doesn't portray everything as jumbled up. There's a clear ascending order in the story—beginning with light and ending with man. I started to feel assured that I didn't have to do everything at once. My task was to discover God's order right there in the adoption documents.

I decided to go down the list and see the spiritual quality behind every requirement. For instance, the criminal background check attested to our honesty and integrity. These qualities were certainly necessary for a stable family. Financial records showed the abundance of spiritual good always present in our home.

I also looked more closely at the biographical questions. They were not only asking about our childhood experiences, but inquired about our outlook on parenting—discipline, adoption in general, childcare while we work.

I wasn’t sure how I would approach discipline, but I thought about Mary Baker Eddy’s points in Science and Health about raising children. She writes, “Parents should teach their children at the earliest possible period the truths of health and holiness. Children are more tractable than adults, and learn more readily to love the simple verities that will make them happy and good.” I loved the thought that I could teach a child about what’s right and that we also could join this child in learning more about these simple verities.

I approached each requirement spiritually.

The application didn’t seem as overwhelming when I approached each requirement spiritually. I started to see an orderly process. Scott and I could work on the biographies while we waited for birth certificates and other records to be sent to us. By then, we could gather up our financial records and record the needed information.

We finished the application in a month. Now we wait for March to begin the next evaluation phase—what’s referred to by the adoption agency as the “home study.”

Continue to part 3: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-3-can-we-provide.html

Adoption Series part 1: I want to be a mom

In the two years since I was told I would not be able to have children (see link to the article below), I’ve been struggling off and on with my desire to be a mother. There were times I felt fine about not having children. I actually tried to tell myself, You don't need to have kids to be a mother. I was already caring for my pets and volunteering in our church’s nursery. Wasn’t that mothering enough? And people were telling me, “Look at all the time you and Scott spend together!” We could travel. We don’t need a sitter. We don’t need to save for college.

But this all sounded hollow. It felt like I was accepting the honorable mention ribbon at the county fair. This yearning I felt inside was just too big and too deep. The promises of more time together and money saved didn’t hold water when I played with the toddlers in our church nursery or when friends would visit us and bring along their little ones. A big ache would rise up inside me and I would dissolve into tears.

I decided to pray—to take this problem to God.

I wanted to go deeper than shallow promises. I wanted to find an answer that would satisfy me once and for all. I decided to pray—to take this problem to God. I sat at my computer, where I generally like to read and pray, and listened.

It occurred to me that God is my Mother. Like any good mother, I thought, God would give me just the answer I needed. She would not leave me wondering. Either I’d end up becoming a mother or I would find other outlets in my life that would fill the void.

As I was searching through ideas about mothering in a book I study often, Science and Health, I discovered that divine mothering is much bigger, deeper, broader than I had ever imagined. Science and Health points out that God is a loving Mother and Father. This means God directly mothers all creation, which includes me. That doesn’t mean every woman must become a mother, but it does mean that the qualities associated with motherhood—loving unconditionally, nurturing, caring—are abundantly present in us all. I felt confident that the desire to express those motherly qualities would be satisfied.

Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health, “Desire is prayer; and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires, that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and in deeds.” I began to really trust God with my desire to be a mom and to find ample opportunities for expressing motherhood in my life.

I focused on “nurturing” my customers at work.

In the weeks following my prayer, I focused on “nurturing” my customers at work through the answers I wrote to their questions. Our local animal shelter asked me to “mother” a rabbit and her three babies for nine weeks. I really enjoyed these mothering moments.

Four months went by and I continued to pray about mothering. I loved what I was learning about God’s mothering care and my part in it. But I still felt this longing inside whenever I saw a family with their baby. Would God really withhold the realization of this desire from me? I wondered.

One Sunday, it was my turn to take care of the toddlers in the nursery at my church. Little 1-year-old Elise came with her grandmother. It was her first time in the nursery and she was scared. A big overwhelming ache welled up inside me as I picked up Elise to comfort her. Pretty soon, we were both crying!

You can’t be separated from your motherhood, came God’s comforting answer to me. Neither you nor this little one can ever be out of My care.

“God’s mothering care is with both of us, right at this very moment.”

God’s mothering care is with both of us, right at this very moment, I thought. I don’t have to buy into the idea that I’ll never be a mother or that I don’t deserve to be a mother.

Walking around and rocking Elise, I sang a hymn that talked about God’s mothering care. “His arm encircles me and mine and all,” I sang to Elise. Though scared, she seemed to enjoy the singing and the rocking.

Another church member, hearing the crying, came in and gave me some practical tips. She assured me I could relax. She felt sure that Elise would calm down and get interested in the toys around her. As we talked, I started to feel assured and mothered, and Elise became calm as well.

As I drove home that morning, I thought about Elise. I wondered if I would ever have a child, and I got really fed up as I slipped again into this question. God, I have to know, I insisted. Is it Your intention to put a little one in my arms? I can’t keep getting pulled back and forth like this!

I felt a deep peace replace the yearning.

Lori, came God’s tender answer, This is in your heart. So just do it. Don’t torture yourself. Something clicked in my thinking. Finally, I felt a deep peace replace the yearning I had felt for so long. I felt God’s reassurance to me that it is His intention for me to fulfill my desire to mother.

I felt like those words, “Just do it,” were telling me to pursue the idea I had earlier—adoption. I had done some research on it and talked to people about their adoption experiences. Scott and I had even talked about it from time to time. But there were always concerns about finances and job security standing in our way. (I found in my research that an adoption could cost us $25–30,000.) And Scott wasn’t sure if he wanted to adopt. So I had just let the subject go. Now I felt inspired to bring it up again.

When I got home, I told Scott about what happened and asked him about looking into adoption. His answer knocked my socks off. “I’ve wanted to adopt for a long time,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about that too. But what about the cost?”
I told Scott that I was confident this was the right thing for us to do. “Let’s let God remove the obstacles,” I said. “And let’s just take it step by step.”
“Let’s go for it,” said Scott. And so, the adventure begins…

Continue with part 2 at: http://lorigwhitecs.blogspot.com/2005/11/adoption-series-part-2-its-application.html